KotOR Replay: Part One: "Damn, we could have used her help!"

After finishing up my KotOR fanfic, and talking to Mister Buch about all the great memories we created back on the Ebon Hawk, I decided I was going to do play Knights of the Old Republic for the first time in yeaaars.

I first tried to play the game on my Xbox 360, but the emulation for it was FUBAR. The frame rate skipped around incessantly. The sound cut out. The menus wouldn't react sometimes. It was terrible, and I didn't want it to put a damper on the experience. So, I pulled down my little "Box of Forgotten Dreams" from my closet. It was caked in dust and got me sneezing immediately. Inside I found my:

-Seeega Dreamcaaaast. Bought it brand new at the tail-end of Sega's bankruptcy period for just over $60. Was only able to get a few games for it. Sonic Adventure, Crazy Taxi, NFL Blitz, and Tomb Raider. Wish I had been able to get more. One of my few regrets.

-Sony Playstation. No, not the PS-One; the giant one that looks like a weight scale. I still have the only games I ever played on it up on my shelf: Final Fantasy VII, Legend of Dragoon, Mega Man Legends, and Mega Man X4. Used to own a mod kit for it so I could play the Japanese version of Dragonball GT: Final Bout and DBZ: Ultimate Battle 22, back when getting the American versions required either a lot of money or a lot of misplaced hope.

-Nintendo Gamecube. The decline of Nintendo, in my mind, began with this console and it still hasn't ended. Not even with the Wii. The high-points in its many years on the market were few. Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, TimeSplitters 2, and Resident Evil 4 were the only games that really defined that console to me.

At this point, you're probably wondering why I'm talking about these consoles and not KotOR. Well, that's because I played it just before bed and couldn't even make it to the escape pod before I fell asleep. Short Answer: Shut up, that's why. (jk! xD)

Finally pulled out the old Xbox, get it all hooked up, pressed the power button and it roared to life (quite literally, actually. I had forgotten how loud this beast could get). Pop in my old KotOR disc and boot up the game. It runs perfectly. Having my old controller back in my hands, hearing the Xbox whine and the main menu theme play...it was magical.

Checked my old saves and remembered that the goddamned Yavin DLC corrupted my first few playthroughs. All that remained was a file where I got as far as Taris, and my ex-girlfriend's file...harumph.

The game begins. I'm standing in my quarters on the Endar Spire after a rude awakening. Trask Ulgo bursts in and speaks in the lamest tone of voice I've ever heard in a game since the original Resident Evil. (Jill sandwich, anyone?) He tells me to get dressed, watches me as I do so, and starts ordering me to do practically everything.

"Save Bastila!"

"Unlock that door!"

"Now tell me to unlock that door! But say it in a sexy baritone...No! No time for that, man. But seriously--baritone..."

We unlock our way into the middle of a group of Sith. There are some Republic solders fighting them off, but Trask waits until our allies are dead before shouting "FOR THE REPUBLIC" like an idiot. He risks his life to save me, but won't help his own buddies when the odds are in his favor. Bastard. Anyway, I beat the Sith down with my little vibroblade and we move on.

Trask and I fight off a couple more Sith before we find ourselves in another crossfire. Once again, Trask opts to watch his fellow soldiers die before leading the charge. Bastard.

Next room over, we find a Jedi and a dark Jedi fighting it out. Once...again...Trask decided that we should watch them kill each other off. At this point, I'm beginning to wonder about Mister Ulgo. Oh, and then he has the nerve to say, "That was one of the Jedi accompanying Bastila. Damn, we could have used her help!" LIKE HE'S BLAMING ME! Bastard.

We continue on, clearing out the corridors and the ship's bridge. I level up, and that little jingle gives me a warm feeling inside.

Down the next corridor, Trask decides he wants to fight the Sith Lord instead of locking the door. The door slides shut, and you can hear two beginning to have at each other. I silently wish I could watch him die, just to get back at him for being the worst Samaritan I've ever seen.

To Be Continued...