Film review: 'Alice in Wonderland'

We seem to be doing a lot of reviews lately.

I think reviews are just fun! It's great to gloat about other people's mistakes!

So today - the new Tim Burton movie! The man who brought you 'Beetle Juice', 'Edward Scissorhands', 'Batman' and 'Ed Wood'... and then lost his mind and made 'Planet of the Apes' (the remake), 'Corpse Bride' and 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' (the remake).

I should like to state publically that he did NOT direct 'The Nightmare Before Christmas', contrary to popular belief!




Here are two stanzas from the poem 'Jabberwocky' from Through the Looking Glass.


One, two! One, two! and through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back

"And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
He chortled in his joy


I love that poem! And I rather like Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass. And I like the Disney certoon, too! Now there is a live action/CGI sequel / remake, by Tim Burton.
Believe it or not I went into the new movie wanting to like it - I'd heard bad reviews but the premise sounded original and exciting.

In this curious sequel to the classic stories Alice returns, 13 years later, to Underland - she misheard the name last time - only to discover a war (Well, a planned battle... I guess) between the Red and White Queens (and the three or four speaking parts each has allied to them). The war can only be won if the chosen hero Alice (the little girl who briefly visited the region twice, 13 years previous) slays the Jabberwocky in the White Queen's name (she can't slay it herself because she has a code against killing, and no-one else can do it because they don't look enough like the hero in the original illustration.)

If you remove the parts in brackets, it sounds great, right? First off, the Jabberwock was already slain, and secondly, by a man. In a poem. Why exactly is the monster now alive and well and working for the Red Queen? Why does Alice need to kill it? Why does killing it instantly end the war? Why does it speak now?

I think what annoys me the most is the way things were mis-represented... here the Cheshire cat has a name - 'Cheshire'. That just doesn't seem right. The hatter is more eccentric than 'mad', and is a sympathetic, heroic lead character. At one point he throws a hat pin like a ninja death star. At another point he dances superbly to a really modern, funky tune, spinning his head fully around like Linda Blair (by far the low point of the film.) And he looks like this:




It just... isn't the hatter. It looks a whole lot like Edward Scissorhands! But I just don't see the hatter with bright orange hair and matching eye make-up.

It's an interesting character, but he doesn't seem to fit into 'Alice in Wonderland'! The movie isn't even particularly dark, so what on Earth is the idea of this design?




A lot of stuff is wrong here... it's as if Burton wanted to include all his favourite characters and lines, but didn't know how to fit them into his 'rebel war' plot.

It feels odd to be criticising Johnny Depp's character... although his performance is... y'know, okay... but I just can't fathom why he looks like that, or why he's a key part of a reistance movement against the Red Queen! Or why he speaks to Alice as if they were old friends. I don't remember them spending a great deal of time together, or even getting on! By the end of this movie there is a sad farewell between the two and even (unless I was imagining it) a hint of romance.

The Red Queen is also a big part of the film, but that actually seems to fit. I was surprised by how much I enjoyed the character. However, I rather suspect that the only reason she and the hatter are our main characters is that... they most closely resemble Helena Bonham Carter and Johnny Depp.

---

And the reason I included the 'Jabberwocky' passage earlier:

In the movie, the poem is taken as a prophecy about how Alice (once again... the slayer in the poem is male!!) must kill the beast, using the 'vorpal blade' and on the 'frabjous day' i.e. the day of destiny when all will be decided.

This is the best example I could find of what I said earlier: that Burton seems to have misrepresented or misunderstood his source material, so that it no longer makes sense. The term 'frabjous day' isn't the name of a calendar date - it's just a description of the day. 'Frabjous' presumably means 'fabulous' and 'joyous'. It kills me to see the lines of this perfect poem clumsily twisted to fit a disappointing movie's plot. At one point near the end, Johnny Depp gravely announces that 'the Frabjous Day is upon us', as if it means the end of the bloody world. That's so very different to what Lewis Carrol meant by 'O frabjous day!'. And it's not some new twist on the poem - it's just a clumsy repurposing.

As for 'vorpal blade'... well, I can maaaaaybe convince myself that's the name of the sword and not a description of it. After all the word is used twice. And because of things like 'American McGee's Alice' we've already decided that 'The Vorpal Blade' is actually the name of the sword. But there is no excuse for 'the frabjous day'.

---

There were some wonderful concepts and moments in this. I love the idea of it being called 'Underland' for instance, and the battle with the Jabberwock was actually pretty exhilerating! (Even if it was flanked by completely butchered versions of the 'playing cards' and 'chess board' themes from the books.)
And I also rather like the idea of Wonderland staging an epic war and a grown-up Alice becoming its saviour and thus, learning about herself and gaining strength. It was kind of like 'Labyrinth'! And man, I love 'Labyrinth'!

And with a premise like that, this movie could have been fantastic. It just annoyed me how so many old characters, lines and even plot devices from the original books were just re-used... poorly. With orange eye make-up.

And I know it's Tim Burton, but I really thought there was too much CGI in this movie. Alice and Anne Hathaway were the only things in the movie that didn't look like cartoon characters.

What else can I whine about? The acting was mostly drab - some lines were very obviously given the wrong emphasis. Johnny Depp kept showing off his Scottish accent for no aparent reason. The scenes before Alice re-discovered Wonderland were very, very cliched, over the top and lazy. What the hell was that Hamish fella doing with his face? I wanted to take the actor to one side and slap him. Matt Lucas was very annoying.

Oh! And there were a whole lot of 'Aggressive Negotiations' - that irritating Hollywood tradition of having lines from earlier return later in the film with greater significance. Cheap as it is, I don't mind one or two of these in a film, but this one was taking it too far. 'Avatar' has tons of that as well, by the way.

Throughout I had to keep reassuring myself by saying, 'It's a kids' movie. Kids will love that bit. I'm not the intended audience'. And despite my very negative attitude here, the movie was okay. But with a little tweaking - a more cohesive, fresh plot, less green-screen, maybe even an original title (Return to Wonderland? Alice in Underland?) - this one could have been so good!

5/10



I also saw 'I Love You Phillip Morris', and it was great!