Buchanan Writes Again

This is another of the more personal entires from me. I've had a sort-of writer's block (or a lack of interest in writing) for a while. I suppose it's more a lack of confidence, actually.

As a consequence, all I've written lately has been a poem, a bad fanfic and a very short story which was experimental, and I really dunno how it turned out. I guess I've been kind of disheartened lately, for various reasons, and I got into the habit of reading instead of writing. After I got tired of that I got to playing games again.

So the upshot of all this is, I'm working on a new story! Not fanfic, either. I want to get a couple of original pieces of work under my belt before I start my English degree in September.

--

This one is a sci-fi short, but science fiction in the literal sense, not space opera. It's set in a future where robot workers have all but eliminated the need for human labour. As people struggle to fit into the new way of life, somebody takes advantage and builds all the robots to be 'male'. The story is about Elise, a lonely woman who makes a life-companion of one of the robots, and obsessively attaches herself to it.

(Holy crap... it's Kimberly Brooks! Good actor, hey!)

I guess I'm stealing the setting and concept from I, Robot and Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? It will have that sort of feel to it, anyway. But it's also allegory about sexism being inherant to societies. I'm still working out my plot, and trying very hard to get my Feminist point across, and to not make it look like the exact oppisite. Allegory is hard.

It's been a while since I really put my all into a story and was completely proud of the result. I think it's time to stop moping and do it again.



Looking back on my computer... I realise I actually started this thing last July! Bloody hell! I'm going to re-design the story and write this. I need an ending...

The title will be Synthetic Autonomous Man. Indulge this post - I'm a lazy artistic soul, woe is me until the muse takes me, etc etc.

Disingenuous Discussions: Dragon Age Origins

Hello and welcome to the first Disingenuous Discussions! We thought it would be fun to write an article together, and also we wanted to talk about our most beloved video games (for a change). So this will be an occasional series, in no particular order, looking at our very favourites. We've no particular structure for this - expect it to be long and meandering!

I'm Buch, and I'll be writing in this elegant, British font.

I'm Knight from the US of A, and I'll be using this typewriter-ish font, even though I've only used a typewriter twice in my life.

Ironically, Knights are from the British Isles, and not the USA.

Ironically, Americans are also from the British Isles. We make everything better.

I own that t-shirt! *looks down*
I'm wearing that t-shirt!

---

For the first one we chose a very recent game - Dragon Age: Origins from last year. Nobody really seems to play or talk about this game, though there is a sequel in the works and a number of expansions available, so I guess it did well enough.

It's a story-based RPG from BioWare, using semi-turn-based, part-based combat and lengthy dialogue trees to tell an engaging and very interactive story. In that regard it bears a striking resemblance to our beloved Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, from the same brilliant developers. But I think we've talked enough about that game already.

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic is a role-playing game set in the Star Wars universe, which also just happens to be the best game ever created by man or Canadian. The comparisons that can be made between it and Dragon Age: Origins are many, and I think it's safe to say that this is the heir apparent to the spirit of KotOR. Even after this MMO, The Old Republic, is released, I can't imagine this opinion being changed much.

I call it the 'Spiritual successor' to KotOR. Also in many ways it reminds me of Jade Empire, BioWare's wuxia-style RPG which I really loved for its simplicity and enormously fun plot. Dragon Age seems to deny itself a sense of 'fun' at times. See Landsmeet, later on.

And, to be perfectly honest, I think it's almost a crime that BioWare's Mass Effect series is being touted more than Dragon Age. If there is one series that I'd like to be stranded on a deserted island with, it would be DA:O. This is also taking into consideration that I would also be stranded with an Xbox, electricity, and a television.

I'd be stranded with the original (well, I played it first) and best: KotOR. But. Enough of that. We were talking about Dragon Age. I think what might harm this game's success is its lack of originality. The setting is a standard Medieval Fantasy World: a mix-mash of Tolkein and all the usual fantasy archetypes. There are some nice, unique (and distinctly BioWarian) touches though - the elves are second-class citizens who live in the slums of human cities as servants, the dwarves are not Scottish (oddly, they're either American or from the West-country...) So, whilst unoriginal, the story and setting are frequently refreshing.

As is the case for most fantasy stories these days. It's very difficult to market a fantasy world that DOESN'T have the elf/orc archetype in there somewhere. George R.R. Martin and Robert Jordan sort of blazed a trail of their own, in that regard. But I think it's safe to say that most are okay with that. I certainly am. It saves the player (or reader) from too much of a learning curve. The same can be said for Mass Effect, with their almost-Jedi main character, space marines, democratic order of planets (DOOP), and last but not least, blue women.

But! At the same time, while I don't mind another storyteller taking those archetypes and running with them, I sorta mind when they half-ass the originality. Yes, we have dwarves, they hate magic, and they are expert craftsmen and miners...but they are certainly not Scottish. I think that's the only part of the lore where Dragon Age really twisted my sides: their original twist on a race was to give them a different accent.

To BioWare's credit, though, they did try to make this game more about the politics of the world and not as much about the battle, which I commend them for.

Agreed. The game begins with an intro promising 'multi-racial heroes battle orc-like demons', but all 6 'origins' (the unique and superb opening acts depending on your chosen race and background) reveal much more depth than that. And with the arrival of villain Teyrn 'Stop Comparing Me To Richard III' Loghain, the secondary plot reveals itself. At that moment the land of Ferelden gets really interesting.

Similarly, the combat and general gameplay are very similar to Bioware classics like Baldur's Gate and those mentioned above. But Dragon Age seems to seek to refine all those tried and tested elements. I'm not sure if this is to the game's detriment or its advantage. Most every character, quest and location is good (the same cannot even be said of KotOR) but you often get the sense you've done all this before, in another world.

The only point of contention that I would have is the Landsmeet, which I think we both agree: sucked all the magic out of the room. If it had just boiled down to "pick who you want to be ruler" I'd have been fine with that. But, no. Like the Mass Effect 2 ending, the player lost control of the situation based on erroneous choices at some point in the game. Boo.

Agreed, a thousand times! The insanely-complex 'Landsmeet' section, right before the dramatic conclusion, threatens to ruin the game. Both times I played it, I had a walkthrough open and was studying it very carefully, just to make sure the plot didn't veer off course. Easy there, BioWare. I just want to beat the bad guy.

Anyway... we seem to be coming down awfully hard on the first entry in the Favourite Ever Games Ever series. Be assured the only reason we pick at these slight negative points is that in a game this good, they stand out. Also high difficulty and poor graphics. But who cares.

RPG's are something I've only come to love in recent years, since the advent of full voice acting. So it's not too surprising that this brand new game is on my top-twenty list - so are a lot of BioWare titles, and maybe a couple of other, similar games. Dragon Age is one of the very best of this genre - the modern, Western RPG. Even if it does seem overlooked.

I just finished playing the game again, and managed to clock in a personal record-breaking 63 hours of silly, silly procrastination (writing it down makes me wonder what accomplishments I could have made in that time...) But the game sucks you in completely. For those 63 hours (and the thirty-or-so extra hours of endless unsaved deaths) I deeply cared about stopping the Blight, confronting Richard III, romancing the French spy on my team and getting to know the varied cast of followers in my camp. Even Sten.

63 hours is something I've yet to beat in terms of Dragon Age, but I have over 70 on Fallout 3 and Poke'mon Sapphire, and over 3000 hours on World of Warcraft. Don't beat yourself up.

Your mother has three hundred hours on World of Warcraft.

And the camp itself is wonderful. Traditionally, BioWare provide a place where the player can wander around in peace and with all the time in the world, and manage inventory / chat with his party. But not since the Ebon Hawk has one of these home bases felt so much like home. This time, we get a dimly, warmly-lit makeshift camp in the Fereldan countryside. Our wardog (I named him Molyneux, after Peter) stands guard and barks, a lovable pair of traveling merchants are with us, there's a big fire, and representatives from the various groups you recruit to your cause. As you progress, the camp gets more and more populous. And there is lovely, soothing, Tolkeiny music in the background.

The camp is my most favorite part of the game. Perhaps because of the way the game is structured so that no place in the world feels safe, except for that damn camp.

Even the camp is attacked at one point.

Fuck. Get on that BioWare.

And the music, well I'm listening to it right now.

Me too!!

Combined, it represents the spirit of the genre in my mind. Something that you find often in R.A. Salvatore's writings, for instance.

The soundtrack is generally very nice, if a lot of it is forgettable (compared the the brilliant 80's synth style stuff for Mass Effect, the very cool pseudo John Williams for KotOR or the astounding Chinese-esque epic score for Jade Empire.) I already mentioned in an earlier blog how much I adored the scene where Leliana sings a beautiful, beautiful elven song - in camp.

The camp also happens to be where you come to know your party members more intimately, so you come to associate the camp with the pleasant feeling of growing closer to your companions as friends and, sometimes, as more-than-friends.

Even now, I'm thinking about Duncan...

I would've liked more moments like this throughout, but the game suffers from one of KotOR's biggest drawbacks: world creation. The zones are confusing and it all feels like on-the-rails exploration. Oblivion and Fallout 3 did exploration justice, and even though Fable 2 had some pretty straight paths, there was so much to see/discover. Dragon Age feels like the worst parts of KotOR at times: i.e. Manaan, the Shadowlands, and Dantooine - all of them are pretty to look at, but feel like mazes and are confusing beyond all reason. Ocarina of Time did exploration better than DA:O and KotOR and that was a generation before.

The Brecilian Forest reminded me very, very strongly of the Shadowlands. There was even a mad hermit.

Gimme some open zones BioWare! Orzammar's very pretty, but here's what the map looks like: |-------------|-------------| Boo. The visuals and gameplay need to catch up to the storytelling in a lot of respects. If they sprint fast enough, they just might catch up by the time Dragon Age 2 is released.

In that sense, I suppose that's why I adored this game (go figure), the story is amazing, because you actually feel like you're a part of it, as I've mentioned before. Just like KotOR, you feel like you have the freedom to behave as polite or as foul as you would if you were presented such choices in real life. Bethesda almost allows this, but they don't have the writers for it. Lionhead has the writers, but all the choices are fairly black and white (hehe). Until the sequels to all these games come along, Dragon Age provides the best interactive stories of all time.

Lionhead has the....
I strongly disagree with this. This is why we used separate fonts.

Say what you will, British, but Fable 2 was consistently clever and engaging. The gargoyle quest had one of the worst rewards ever (initially) and I still felt satisfied. And my font's better anyway.

Hm.

In conclusion, I think we both agree that Dragon Age: Origins is a game that deserves our admiration, with a side of scorn. The formula for this game is dated to the point where it shouldn't even exist in this generation...

I disagree... hugely...

...but BioWare's writing staff, led by the Fabulous David Gaider, have managed to create a story that's sure to pull you in, even if the gameplay and visuals do no such thing. Give us a game that doesn't molest us with loading screens, give us some open zones that don't look like a crossword on paper, and for the love of god: NO MORE DARKSPAWN.

When that day comes, BioWare, you have my axe.

And my massively-underpowered bow.

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Knight's Review:

+ The characters are some of the best BioWare have created.
+ The interaction with said characters is very dynamic and real. You really come to genuinely feel like you're a part of the gang.
+ The world at large is very well crafted, believable, and open for more exploration that I wouldn't mind being a part of.
+ The origins are an amazing gameplay element! One can only hope more games adopt this as a way of giving their players more unique experiences.

- The graphics.
- The gameplay could use more depth.
- Exploration has been done better in text-based games of yore.
- Fighting three kinds of darkspawn for hours sucks.
- Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening

--

As for me, I'd say DA:O is made up of everything you've seen before (plus some Canadian-style twists), but it's undeniably more than the sum of its parts. Despite the GOD-DAMN LANDSMEET and a very steep difficulty, this is up there with the very best of BioWare.

Buch's Top Five Random Awesome Things:

1) Leliana's song
2) You can have a male/may gay relationship in this. YES. There is even a sex scene, albeit a very muted one. BioWare remains the gay gamer's best friend. Seriously, they're really doing their best. That move HAD to hurt sales, but they did it.
3) Despite smallness, Orzammar and the Dwarven culture are fasinating and beautiful pieces of background.
4) The prequel novel, Dragon Age: The Stolen Throne, is very good. Much better than a game tie-in has any right to be. And it really enhances the game too - makes certain themes more apparent and certain characters (Loghain, Alistair, Shale) a lot more fun to speak to.
5) As you explore or dungeon crawl, your party-members will have funny little conversations. They're very funny. And there are tons of them in this game.

Tips 'n' Tricks: Fable 2: Infinite Potion of Transmogrification Glitch

The only reason I'm posting this is because I've seen it mentioned in a few places, sometimes accurately, sometimes not. For anyone not privy, there is a quest that you unlock when you purchase the Castle Fairfax in Fable II. At the end of said quest, you have to make an all-defining choice, which would be to switch your gender - permanently. And I don't mean permanently as in, yeah you can reload, it's okay. I mean, it autosaves immediately after you drink this thing.

When I first heard about this, I thought it was rather odd. I would've liked the chance to just be able to switch back and forth; it would make for a neat gameplay element. Thankfully, there is a way, but you'll need some help.

1) Firstly, you'll have to purchase the Castle Fairfax for a cool one million gold, but I'm sure you have that just lying around. I know I do.

2) Pick up the quest from your new butler.

3) Make sure you have a friend who's already beat this quest ready to come to your rescue. The quest is pretty short, so they won't have to wait long.

4) Sleep in your bed (take a right down the closest hallway to the throne and follow the staircase up to the top. You will then be thrown into your quest.

5) You'll fight a bunch of bandits and will eventually be let into a secret passageway by your butler. He will subsequently quit. Bastard.

6) Continue through this secret passageway, kill all the bandits, and step inside the potion room. You will see it sitting on a pedestal and a mysterious voice will explain what it does. DON'T PICK IT UP YET!

7) Have your friend make his way to the potion room, and when his little orb arrives, pick up the potion and immediately trade it to your friend.

8) YOU STAY PUT! DO NOT LEAVE THE ROOM YET! Yeah, but have your friend make his way through the newly-opened gate to the Bowerstone Cemetery. When he gives you confirmation that he's loaded into the zone, then you can leave the room, as well.

9) When you spawn inside the cemetery, you'll get a little Mission Accomplished note. Have your friend trade back the potion.

And there you have it! You will now be able to use the potion as much as you want, without consequence...I might have just jinxed myself. Anyway, I did it and it worked.

glhf

Only the Master of Facebook, Darth.

Knightfall and I have just created Darth Malak's personal Facebook fan-page!

Here, the Man Who Would Be Ruler of the Galaxxxeeeeee will keep his many fans, admirers and colour-co-ordinated Sith Apprentices informed on his doings, comings and goings, and his breathy whinings.

It's not exactly a secret that Knightfall and I are big, big fans of masterpiece RPG Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, and Malak is a big part of that. He's bald, he's got a big, metal jaw, he's evil, he has a red cape. He thinks he can destroy a planet by bombing it from one position. He's awesome.

Hero. Villain. Saviour. Lover of brightly-coloured jumpsuits. He is all things to all men. But, in the end... he is nothinnnnnnnnnng without your support.

If you love old Malak too, why not 'become a fan' (if not an evil disciple of the Sith) and see what he's up to these days. Has he recovered from his humiliating defeat? Does he still have an army of ninjas? Does he still keep long-haired guys in glass tubes? Now's your chance to find out!

We've just now started the page, but be assured:

This is but a taste of the daaaaaaark siiiiiiiiiiide!

OBJECTION: In Defense of Knightfall

So, I wake up this morning, feeling utterly incapacitated by the ruthless hiking trip I went on in Yosemite, and I drag myself to my computer to find that some British dude had disagreed with my previous post! This is outrrrrrageous! I'm going to attempt to defend myself against this heathen, and I invite him to retort if he dares shows his face around this blog again. >=D

First of all, he had the nerve to say this:

"...this..."

To top things off, he went on to quote something I had said in my review of Fable II concerning my philosophy on the ending of a game. I read what he had to say on the subject AND HONESTLY...I can find myself agreeing with him. This is going to me a bad argumentative essay already, I can tell. Because I agree! I really do. But lemme draw the line between what I agree with and what I prefer.

Let me use KotOR as the prime example here, and allow me to begin with something Mister Buch said, and use a red font to make it look sinister:

"Rather than ending on a bang, the character ends with a whimper. He ends when you get bored of side-quests. I hate seeing the world AFTER the cataclysmic events of the ending... and seeing it's just the same."

I can understand this, actually. I'm winding down in terms of side-quests and things to do throughout Fable II. Dare I say, I'm starting to get tired of the game. And with the exception of a few achievements that I can only obtain by beating the game over again and getting a different ending, I've almost increased my gamerscore as much as I can in Albion. There will eventually come a day when I wander around my favorite area of the game, looking for that one last shred of awe left, save and quit, and likely never play the game again. That will be a sad day, and probably won't have the same feeling as a proper ending would have had.

Dragon Age: Origins for instance, had an amazing ending. It took that adventure that you just went on and not only closed it up nicely and intelligently, but it also left it open for further adventures with later games. I loved that. Even though it was all a bunch of text blocks, I loved it. Teary-eyed. And that was okay with me, because BioWare has been fulfilling their promises of late.

But let me point out the one rotten egg, and it pains me to even relate this game with that term: KotOR. It is my favorite game, for all the reasons that Mister Buch illustrated. It was the pinnacle of storytelling in video games at the time, allowed you to own the story that you created, and let you invest way more of yourself into it than any game before it. In contrast to other games, you don't take on the role of the hero (i.e. Zelda), the hero takes on the role of YOU. Additionally, it did what Mister Buch pointed out:

At the very end, when the classic John Williams theme music kicked in and the credits rolled over the story's climax (and a teasing hint at a sequel) I was so excited I pumped my fist into the air like a fool.

Not only did I react the same way, but I saw this little tease as well. But as I was doing this Manly Arm Pump so wildly, I realized something: KotOR II had been released only a short time ago. Not only that, but it was my birthday that month. I nearly shat myself thinking about it. I got the game as a gift not too long after, threw it into my Xbox, and began playing...and that's when things went wrong in my life.

See, when it comes to KotOR II, I think that me and Buch are in agreement that it was technically a good game. It had some amazing moments (the character of Atton Rand being the highlight) but it was overall not KotOR. It didn't provide that same feeeeeling that its predecessor had brought to the table. Most of all: IT DIDN'T CONTINUE REVAN'S STORY!!! I watched the ending of KotOR II in horror and confusion, not able to grasp anything that had just transpired before my eyes. I had to do a ton of research for Revan's Shadow, and I STILL didn't get it!

That's when I was like...okay. That was a silly game, and crushed my dreams like so many glass unicorns under its foot, but that's okay! KotOR and The Sith Lords both sold more than enough to warrant a sequel. For sure! All I have to do is wait...

That was five years ago, and I'm still fucking waiting.

BioWare's unwillingness to make a sequel, and their complete willingness to capitalize on everything that made that game great and whore it out to the masses still burns me, because I know that I will never see Revan and his companions' stories come to fruition. It's a feeling of dejection that I will likely feel until the day I die, and well into whatever afterlife awaits us. In a Riverworld scenario, I will probably be recounting my sorrows to Mark Twain. I know he would listen.

I never wanted to play a game where that feeling might return. Never ever. And, thankfully, I've not had to. Fallout 3 gave us the Broken Steel DLC, which allowed me to roam the Capital Wasteland for as long as I dared to, and let me do all the little quests that I had wanted to do with that character. I would have been in the same sort of mood with Dragon Age: Origins had BioWare not promised constantly that there would be a sequel (but there's still a chance if fucking Dragon Age - Awakening is any indication on how a sequel will turn out. Think happy thoughts). Fable II allowed you to keep playing, but unlike Mass Effect 2, there was still stuff to do, and people still reacted to how you went about your business; not only that, but the See The Future DLC pretty much said, "Be patient, Hero, for history to repeat itself," and went about teasing the story in Fable III.

See, allowing me to keep running around the world, despite the shortcomings in the programming (everyone in Mass Effect 2 says exactly one thing to you after you beat the game, then repeat the same lines over and over) is way more preferable. It keeps me in the illusion for as long as I'm not bored. I prefer playing the endlessly wandering hero; it makes it more romantic in my mind. And I know that nothing can mess that up.

Mass Effect 2 did some great things, allowing your character to continue on into a new story almost seamlessly (despite mine and, apparently, Buch's view on Shepard's character being independent of our own). I say almost seamlessly, because there are always bits of your story that are completely disregarded in the sequel. "Oh, you thought you had united humanity against the Reapers, did you? Sorry about that. Turns out, everyone thinks that's a load of bollocks and have continued about their lives. Also, Anderson has become a complete puss in years, despite his bravery fighting those Reap...I mean, geth. That load of geth." Also, the importation nightmare that was Dragon Age - Awakening where 90% of the endings from the original game were disregarded.

So, I suppose I agree and disagree with this set ending premise. I agree that it makes for a powerful story to have the lights go out on the highest possible point, but at the same time, I've been burned by KotOR, where the lights went out halfway through the story and never came back on. And I agree that having the game keep going after the ending diminishes the story, but so does replaying the story, which you're almost constantly encouraged to do. I would much rather keep going, living in the illusion and warm, fuzzy thoughts left over by the initial story than end on a high note than wonder what could have been.

Oh Reginald... (Dragon Age and the 'KotOR feeling')

Aside from work, I've done precisely two things over the last three days: read Knightfall's blog posts and obsessively play Bioware's 2009 D&D-style RPG, Dragon Age: Origins.

And I'm absolutely loving the game, quite a bit more than I did the first time I played it. At that time I played through in a grumbling hurry, confused by the lore and plot, being punished horribly by the steep difficulty, and almost losing it after the largely-dodgy endgame (luckily the very end bits are great.) Then Mass Effect 2 came out, and I forgot all about DA:O (It looks like the initials and then a shocked emoticon) until the extremely meh expansion pack was released, and I read the surprisingly great prequel novel.

This past two weeks, I've been playing DA:O again, and this time... I've just been completely absorbed in it. It's been constantly on my mind. I play long into the night, and I wake before my alarm clock, so I can get juuust one more conversation in with Shale, or kill juuuust enough darkspawn to level up, so as I can wear that heavy chainmail that's a slightly lighter colour than the one I'm wearing now. I think because I now understand the plot better, and I'm revelling in how flexible it is - the dialogue options, the plot decisions, the inventory. My character feels like my character, whereas Commander Shepard feels like Bioware's.

This is what I call the 'KotOR feeling'! And it's More than a Feeling. It's... a way of life, or something. What I mean is, this is exactly what I want from a role-playing videogame. I want it to be like Star Wars, Knights of the Old Republic, the game which brought me back into games, made me into a Star Wars fan, thrilled me for a year and even influenced my writing. It brought me into fanfiction, and thus into renewed writing. I know Knightfall has a similar story. He and I truly revere KotOR, and with good reason. The plot was incredible, the voice acting was a cut above (at the time). This is what I would call a true role-playing experience. You felt like you were that Jedi apprentice. For the week and a half it took to play through, the Ebon Hawk was your home, Jolee Bindo was your mentor, Mission Vao was your respnsibility and Lord Malak was most displeased to learn you had escaped Taris alive. Through its tight, excellent and immersive story, it sucked you in and forced you to abandon every other part of your life until you were done.

I remember the first time I beat that game... It was my first RPG unless you count Zelda. At the first I had no idea what I was supposed to do or why clicking people initiated lengthy, casual conversations about seemingly trivial things. After a couple of days I was hooked, and a week later I was astounded. I remember excitedly telling my brother about this amazing new game: 'I just finished it - I saved the Republic, fell in love with my Jedi teacher, resisted the dark side, conVERTed the girl from the dark side, and even convinced the Sith Lord that I was right and he was wrong - right before killing him with my YELLOW lightsaber! And holy crap... there's this twist... you've got to play this!!' And what's great is that all those things I mentioned are optional. None of those are set as part of the plot. I chose to persue those goals, and when they came together into a perfect Star Wars story, it blew me away. Oh, and the 'evil' decisions I made a few weeks later were also incredible.

At the very end, when the classic John Williams theme music kicked in and the credits rolled over the story's climax (and a teasing hint at a sequel) I was so excited I pumped my fist into the air like a fool. I couldn't help it! I beleive it's called the 'Manly Arm Pump' expression, but it didn't look so manly then. The game occupied me for the best part of a year: I had KotOR weeks and non KotOR weeks. I dreamed I was playing the game, I read fanfiction and heard the game's plot in every song on the radio. And every time I got to the end, I involuntarily did the arm pump, reviewing the choices I'd made, the character I felt I'd co-created and the ending s/he had created. It was like being in love! But with a videogame about Jedi Knights. I know this blog doesn't exactly make me sound mature.

When I reached the end of KotOR 2 (the somewhat disappointing, rushed sequel by Obsidian Entertainment) I did not do the arm pump. I did it for Jade Empire several times, and Mass Effect once or twice, but that game wasn't so immersive. I loved Jade Empire, KotOR 2, Mass Effect, Dragon Age: Origins and Mass Effect 2 (and also Bethesda's The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion), but never became so obsessed as the first time.

I also loved Fable 2, when I played it through twice more than a year ago. Like Knightfall, I was amused but not thrilled by the first Fable. But number 2 was a triumph. It's a fun, action-RPG set in Dickensian England, with guns, goblins who wear top hats, Julia Swahala, Zoe Wannamaker, Shepard Book and Stephen Fry... those Scottish gargoyles... a cockney hero... and in general, a great deal of loving passion and a magnificent sense of humour. I don't really care for the silent hero, the button-mashing and the halo that forms around my 'good' character's head, and the plot is generally very shallow and silly (but much better than you'd expect). But that's deliberate, and that's fine. It's an excellent game, and a perfect example of what a sequel should be: it's like Fable 1, but with all it's major faults removed apologetically (and even joked about in-game), and great, new innovative features added.

And now... I come to the point of this post. Knightfall said something in his Fable 2 review on Friday, which chilled my blood.

"That's the sin that BioWare keeps committing, but shouldn't. Sure, they rectified this in Mass Effect 2, FINALLY giving you the ability to keep playing after the main storyline is done, but there's nothing to that galaxy. There's nothing to do outside of the quests. I can't get a job, because I'm already the effing savior of the universe. I can't own a house, because I got captain's quarters and, you know, your life is your job. That's the one thing that I'd take to BioWare on a flag or something: if we're gonna save the galaxy, give us a reason to save it besides blue women."

Whoooooah there, Billy.

Bioware, if you're reading, ignore him. Good, solid endings are not a sin. The tangible, beautifully-acted love of a blue woman is a better reason to save the galaxy than ownership of a house in which there is a nameless woman who says 'Welcome home, darling' when you walk in.

What I'm trying to say here (and what this article was supposed to be about) is: I HATE carrying on the game after the end. I really like endings - I think they're the best part of almsot any story - the bit where everything ties together, and everything is resolved. The author's points are driven home, the characters demonstrate how they've changed, the world is changed for good. So why would you want it to... carry on for a bit after that? It's like The Return of the King! It should have ended long before they returned to the Shire and drove-out Sharkey!

I like my Bioware RPGs (as opposed to Lionhead or Obsidian) because they have solid, well-crafted stories. The endings (although lately they are suffering... ME2...) are powerful and contain complete 'closure'. In the last moment, I always think about (and very occasionally do) the Manly Arm Pump - because I know the epic story is finally over and I'm looking back. In the run up to the end - when I have my final conversations with the party-members or take one last stroll around the places I've been - there is a wonderful bittersweet feeling. 'This character will never talk to Kaidan again' ... 'That's the last time I'll fight alongside Canderous; I wonder what he'll do now the war is over' ... 'I'll spend all my remaining money on the special armour now, and equip Duncan's swords for the final battle.'

I don't like it when the story ends... but you don't. Rather than ending on a bang, the character ends with a whimper. He ends when you get bored of side-quests. I hate seeing the world AFTER the cataclysmic events of the ending... and seeing it's just the same.

That said, I played Fable 2 for a while after its end. Not having my dog was indeed heartbreaking. God damn, I love that dog. Bravo, Lionhead. And it was nice to wander about, aquiring and collecting things for fun. But I wish this could all have happenned as part of the story proper.

And as for Mass Effect 2... you win, you fly around... nothing happens... you fly around more. You go to some place and fight some mechs, you get credits. You go back. No-one talks to you.

Story-based games should end when the story ends. Bioware made me pump my arm into the air every time I beat KotOR and Jade Empire! It was a rush.

Dragon Age is giving me something very close to the KotOR feeling as I play it now. I've been playing for 54 hours, which is a record. It's an excellent game, (if one with a complex plot and too much backstory required.)
I just played through this one scene where one of the characters (my elven PC's love interest at that) randomly sings a goddamn beautiful ancient elven song - just before the endgame kicks in - and the camera shows us reactions from the hero and the other members of my party. The song reflects the quest we just finished, and some of the greater themes of the plot. And it tied itself into my own backstory and character seamlessly. Above and beyond the call of duty, Bioware. More songs please.
I've shaped my character and her story arcs, making my Grey Warden and Alistair mirror Loghain and King Maric in their pasts and relationships with each other and their party. I've grown immensely fond of talking to my followers and getting their pasts out of them, earning their favour and loyalty through carefully chosen questions and gifts. I'm going to be genuinely sad when I find out which one of the two lead heroes will die this time, and imagining what happens to the other one.

Leave that feeling in. I like endings.

F#@K It: Game Review: Fable II

I had been avoiding this, despite my high praise for this game, because I wasn't sure if a review for a two-year-old game would be worth it. I'm sure by now, whether or not the game is/isn't good has already been decided by the public at large. It's the equivalent of me telling everyone not to go watch the third Pirates of the Caribbean movie (just in case, that movie's a pass). But, you know, fuck it. Life's too short, and I love this game. Plus, the purpose of this entire blog is just for us to talk about whatever fascinates/angers us on myself and Mister Buch's respective coastlines. So here we go: my Fable II review.

To reiterate what I had said in my last entry, I had been very much against playing this game. The original Fable from all those years back had been an interesting experience, but not one that I could remember as significant. It was GTA in a fantasy realm, serving only to give people the opportunity to destroy the social structure of an entire town before running out of the city limits, waiting for everyone to forget. That was about it. Plus, I got to look like a badass assassin (lotta ass). The ending also sealed the deal for me, since it was so uncreative and lame that I didn't pick up the game again.

It seems that Lionhead Studios had picked up on this along the way, developed a sense of humility, and got to work on Fable II. Again, this game was released just before I got my hands on my first Xbox 360 at the end of 2008, but the first game I went out and bought was Mass Effect. Eventually, my cousin lent me her copy, but I was immediately put off by how very The Force Unleashed it was. Loading spots between zones? How archaic; I had just been playing Fallout 3 forever, and I could walk to the other end of the map without worry of loading screens.

I actually passed Fable II off to a friend of mine, who played through it awhile and gave it back. I then passed it back to my cousin, and didn't think about it again until a couple weeks ago. I had just beaten Dragon Age: Origins and its expansion, Mass Effect 2, Modern Warfare 2 a bunch of times, and Assassin's Creed 2 over the period of a few months, and I had nothing else on the horizon. I was practically going through withdrawals looking for something to kill some time on. I was actually about to go about and buy Poke'mon HeartGold, catch me some Poke'mans. I resisted buying several different games before I remembered Fable II, which I resignedly asked to borrow again from my cousin.

I installed the game on my Xbox, played for a couple minutes, getting just to Bowerstone, before quitting again. Then, I didn't touch it for another week until I got bored again. So, I kept playing, hoping something would pique my interest - and something did. I don't quite know when it happened, but it happened no later than Oakfield, where the scenery absolutely spirited me away to an absolutely calmed state of mind. I was hooked. I wanted to see more places like this one. I wanted to make more decisions and buy more houses. I wanted to pick the best spot in all of Albion and buy the nearest house to it.

It was a great time. It was a thing I used to do back in my WoW days: to just explore the world and find a place that I loved and call it my own. Anyone who knows what I'm talking about will know that the bench where you start out in Shadowglen, the boat in the pond at Tarren Mill, and the bridge near the Sepulcher...those are all off-limits! Mine! Anyway, yeah, I love doing that. I love a bit of role-playing with my role-playing games; it makes the experience more genuine. But it's been a long time since I got the urge to do that. WoW was one. Fallout 3 was another, and sorta/kinda Dragon Age: Origins was another (it was hard for that game to accommodate my requirements in that case; there were enemies everywhere...except for the camp, my favorite part...stay away from that, too).

So Fable II hooked me with its ability to make me feel like I was a part of that world, always affecting it. Time passes and you still make money even when the Xbox is turned off. With the exception of WoW, for obvious reasons, all of my most favorite RPGs feel like they end when the power's turned off. That's why I almost feel the need to play them until ungodly hours, because I don't want that magic to stop. With Fable II, it's always waiting for me to return. That's what keeps me playing a game, and how I racked up four months worth of playtime on WoW.

That's the sin that BioWare keeps committing, but shouldn't. Sure, they rectified this in Mass Effect 2, FINALLY giving you the ability to keep playing after the main storyline is done, but there's nothing to that galaxy. There's nothing to do outside of the quests. I can't get a job, because I'm already the effing savior of the universe. I can't own a house, because I got captain's quarters and, you know, your life is your job. That's the one thing that I'd take to BioWare on a flag or something: if we're gonna save the galaxy, give us a reason to save it besides blue women.

It's in that sense, as a life-of-a-fantasy-hero simulator, that Fable II takes the cake. Until the day that a BioWare game takes a page out of Lionhead's book in that regard, I would say that Fable II is one of the preeminent role playing experiences out in consoles today. BUT! Before someone pulls a drive-by argument on me, I'm not saying that it's the best RPG out there, per se, only that it provides the best experience.

You can abuse your power, or use it to the people's advantage. You can buy out a pub and then jack up the prices they charge, or provide drinks at a discount to the locals' delight. You can play a lute in the town square, or you can flip passersby the bird. You can become King of Albion, or the land's most dangerous assassin. It's up to you. It's all your choice.

I had to dig deep to find faults with the game, but there are a few that stick out that I hope are addressed in Fable III, due out at the end of this year. Firstly, I can deal with the combat. Although you're smashing the X, Y or B-buttons, depending on your preference, the system is sufficient for this game. It's not complicated, allowing you to get from place to place at a very nice pace, but they could've done better. Made it deeper for those who want to really feel like a warrior out on the frontline. If you're a magic user, sure, you'll have plenty of spells to choose from, but anyone who prefers their guns and swords might find their options lacking.

There are a lot of items in the game, and some powerful ones, but they are few and easy to obtain. I spent a few minutes listening to conversations in Bowerstone Square between players on XBL, and they were practically giving away their legendary weapons. I got one of the best guns in the game by doing a target shooting mini-game, and I got one of the best swords in the game by jumping down a hole and solving a couple puzzles. I would've liked the game to reward its players better, and make getting some of the high end items in the game a bit more difficult to obtain. I just bought Fairfax Castle yesterday for one million gold, and I've only been trying for it casually over the past few days. Getting that rare reward so that you can rub it in people's faces is one of the few great triumphs in gaming today. Just look at WoW; people go bonkers, spending months trying for items just for bragging rights!

Fairfax Castle should've been the hardest thing in the game to get, but I got it in a couple afternoons. The feeling of achievement was not there.

The experience system was pretty clunky. Nothing's worse than trying to pick up your experience points off the ground as they disappear, in the middle of a big ass battle. I hear that this has been remedied in the sequel, so that's okay.

Co-op: this was an AMAZING addition to an RPG of this kind. Amazing. This feature has so much potential that I clap my hands thinking about it, but Lionhead kinda dropped the ball in this regard. I'm perfectly find with not being able to see anything but orbs during the game proper, but when my friend and I actually joined each other's game, it was like the old days when we couldn't leave the same screen. What's up with that? I can understand this on one Xbox, but my friend was in Germany. Why should we have to stick together so closely and rely on the same camera, which doesn't function worth shit. Plus I had to pick a stock character to join his game, and not my own, which sucked royal.

Co-op could evolve to be the single greatest feature in console RPGs. Give two or three (or four!) friends the ability to roam around the same zone together, completing quests or just wandering around, and you will have a happy fanbase. That's what the soul of RPGs have always been about: traveling with good friends on an adventure into the fantastical. Don't bring us back to the Gauntlet-days where we were bound by the same screen. Make it happen, Lionhead!

Finally: the glitches. Oh my giddy aunt, there were so many glitches. None of them game-breaking, thank the Maker, but there were enough that it was a battle to deal with them at times. This does happen with these big games nowadays, but Lionhead should really step up their post-release support with Fable III to make sure that these glitches are taken care of. One of my favorite houses in the game was Giles Farm, where I had Lady Grey as my wife. But thanks to Lucien's shenanigans, the house still thinks I'm married, and does not allow me to rent it out. Eh.

Other than that, all the other criticisms are moot. IGN pointed out the lack of variety in enemies, but as someone who's been fighting three kinds of geth and two kinds of darkspawn for years, I think I'm okay in that regard. Fable II has enough of a variety to keep me satisfied, though it couldn't hurt to add more in the third game.

Fable II is a great game. Maybe not to everyone. Maybe I'm crazy, but I'm still having a great time. The story wasn't magnificent by any means, but some parts of it just stuck with me so much. I've already explained the whole dog incident, but there was one other. In the beginning, you have a sister named Rose, who is killed brutally in the beginning of the game. As a street urchin, all she talked about was how she wanted to live in a nice castle, living the good life. In fact, the first quest you go on is to collect enough gold coins to buy a music box, which supposedly grants one wish. You can guess which wish she made.

Yesterday, I bought Castle Fairfax for one million gold, from the money I had made buying up every building in Albion. I walked around, looking over every room that I now owned: dining area, my library - my throne. I then took a walk to the far end of the castle, to the very study where Rose had been killed believing that her wish had come true. There was something oddly tragic about it all. The castle that Rose had wanted so badly for us to live in: I now owned outright. Just me.

I left the castle right then, and I haven't been back since.

Pros:

+ The dynamic world is amazing
+ The graphics for the game are some of the best on the console
+ Environments are beautiful and depressing, depending on where you go
+ Though you have limited say on the design of your character (white characters only) how your decisions affect your appearance is very well implemented
+ One of the best role playing experiences ever (not game, experience)
+ The dog
+ The Scottish gargoyles
+ Great sense of humor (not humour)


Cons:

- You are bound to run into a few glitches
- Weapons and clothing are in short supply, and typically easy to obtain
- Co-op is a welcomed addition, but needs an overhaul
- Picking up experience points like loot sucks at times
- Even for the casual gamer, even the game's high-end achievements are easy to obtain
- [EDIT]: I almost forgot to mention this. Something my friend pointed out to me: the notoriety that you get from all your renown is somewhat annoying. People will crowd you, everyone and their mother will fall in love with you, and despite the fact that you get in trouble trespassing in other people's homes, expect crowds of people filtering into your house, watching you have sex even. =/

I'm almost glad I got into this game late, because now I don't have to wait very long for a sequel! Fable III should be coming out at the end of the year. But if you're like me, and you haven't picked up the game yet, for the love of god buy the PLATINUM EDITION of the game. It has a few more patches and all the DLC that's been released for the game (Knothole Island and See The Future) on the same disc - and it's only $20 new! Go buy this!

Man's Best Friend: Fable II's Soul-crushing Ending

(Spoilers Ahead. Go Play The Game You Bastards): Okay, I already made a post about Fable II (technically) but there is more to be said, I tell you. I'm still playing the game many hours after the ending, and I'm still finding tons of things to do. For one: there are a ton of achievables, and it's been awhile since I played an Xbox game where they actually took some time to get, and were actually FUN to get.

Playing the game now, I'm starting to see just how much of the ending I had fazed out. It was like a one-two suckerpunch of...suck. First, after recruiting Reaver, he makes it a point to shoot one of my favorite characters, Barnum the Photographer, directly in the face, right in front of me. Destiny or no, I immediately started smashing the Y-button in a vain attempt to return the favor, to no avail. Then Reaver, of course, betrays you, proving once and for all that you can't trust either of the hosts from A Bit of Fry and Laurie. It seems that dealing with either of them will get you misdiagnosed for lupus or shot in the chest. Or both.

Then, continuing on, I receive quite the shock from Lucien, the evil-bad guy of Fable II. He goes on to tell me, "Hey, dude. You know, I've been waiting for this moment. All that shit you did: yeah, null-and-void, motherf**ker. I just marched my ass over to your three houses and killed your three families, including all your children and that unreasonably hot undead chick you had at that expensive-looking farm. Sucks. Also, I'll be killing you dead right now." And to add as a punctuation mark to this tirade of...lameness, he then proceeds to shoot me and kills my dog in the process!

At this point: lost my family and I lost my dog - just effing shoot me.

He does.

I relive this distant memory in my hero's past in which you run around with your dead sister and shoot bottles, beetles and kick chickens into their coop. The place is gorgeous, but of course I can't find the last bottle and the chickens keep bouncing off the fence of their coop and I only get one inside. Sigh.

Eventually, I kill Lucien wif magic in a neat little ending, and then it comes to the three wishes. I almost immediately choose to resurrect everyone who died in the Shattered Spire's creation, thinking it would include my dog. It didn't. I return to the game with a neat little statue and a halo for my trouble, and a glitched out expensive-as-hell farmhouse that still thinks my wife is living there and it won't let me rent it out. Sigh.

I start progressing through the game again, looking for better weapons, buying up all the houses in Albion, and trying to get some achievements. It's right then that I really start to notice the dog's absence. It started subtly: I'd notice a treasure chest and wonder why my dog hadn't sniffed it out...oh...

Then, I'd start getting rewarded with things like dog treats and tricks manuals. And when I went to a general store to unload the bulk of my inventory, I couldn't help but notice the rubber ball sitting unassumingly near the top of the list, taunting me, reminding me of better times that would never be again.

But the real salt in the wound came when I stumbled across a demon door. I was exploring the area around Rookridge, talking to a friend of mine over XBL, when I see the door through the trees. It's surrounded by blue flowers, lit up under a gray sky. Beautiful sight, until I approach...The ghost of my dead dog comes bounding out of the flowers. He's wagging his tail, barking, looking positively happy, wearing the same collar I had given him at the beginning of the game.

My heart drops.

The demon door, the uber-f**king-bastard, then tells me to make the dog do some tricks. Despite my manly constitution, I start getting teary-eyed as I start having my dog do some of his old tricks. I knew exactly which expressions to do, and he responded to all of them happily, obediently. When the demon door had seen enough, my dog gave me one more yap and sat down amongst the blue flowers, and glowing with their color, he disappeared.

=O

I started freaking out into my headphones, enough that my friend must have pulled his away from his ears in confusion. I was so emotional that I don't even remember what it was that I got from the demon door; it was all a blur.

Now, I've played many RPGs in my day. KotOR and Dragon Age both sent many emotions my way. Mother 3 was very depressing at one moment, but I'm not so sure if any game has made me feel genuinely sad after playing it...well, maybe the Aeris thing...but I'm still sad regardless! So sad!

For that, I must applaud Lionhead Games yet again for making this RPG. I really didn't think I'd end up liking this game at all, but here we are. I'm still playing, making money, traveling around, shooting targets. Need the DLC for the game, or else I'd have the achievement for making love 25 times. Took forever, and I was very confused when I didn't get anything for mine/her trouble. But still! I have plenty more to go. Raising enough money to buy the Brightwood Tower so I can get that gargoyle, and I'm thinking about going out today and buying myself the Platinum Edition of Fable II so that I might go to Knothole Island: to see an old friend.

The British Are Coming: or, How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Redcoats

At the risk of writing a review for a two-year-old game, which I really wanted to do, I think I'll just make a comment on the state of RPGs as I see them today. But to put this in context: I recently borrowed a copy of Fable II from my cousin. I had actually done this once before last year at some point, but that year belonged to BioWare and Bethesda in the form of Fallout 3, Mass Effect, and Dragon Age: Origins, each of which I spent no less than forty hours with. And because I spent so much time with those marvelous game, the hack 'n' slash, collect-your-exp-in-the-form-of-glowing-orbs aspect put me off.

But I eventually gave that game one more try - and I'm very glad I did. It's like I found the third piece of the Triforce, because each of my most favorite game studios brings something to the table that I wish would crossover into each other's games. Lemme 'splain.

1) BioWare, without question, provide the best stories and production values out of the three companies. Hell, at this point, the Mass Effect series is pretty much an interactive movie, and a believable one at that. But what I love about their games, and the reason why I keep coming back to them no matter what, is that I actually feel as though I'm traveling through their worlds, affecting them, and interacting with their occupants. The romances and friendships feel true and dynamic, giving it all the more realism. Case and point (in the current generation): Dragon Age: Origins.

DA:O had a lot of problems. It was relying on the formula and production values from the last generation. It was striking just how accurate the KotOR comparisons were, with its small-ass zones, frequent loading times, and how I couldn't walk over a ledge if it was slightly higher than my ankle. But the story came through for me. It was well-written, engaging, entertaining, funny, sad, aggravating: all the good emotions wrapped up in one experience. And the ending to it all felt genuinely unique, like I had just spent forty hours crafting my own personalized adventure, and it still one of the greatest gaming moments of my life.

2) Bethesda is a different kind of beast with its focus on a different aspect of the genre. Their philosophy is that if you're gonna make an adventure game, give the player some room to roam around (to put it lightly). They offer the most seamless of RPG experiences, for my money. Their games are made so that you can literally walk for hours without encountering a loading screen. And this is where the comparisons kick in.

Bethesda games have still not delivered a story on par with anything cranked out of BioWare's camp (well, except for Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening, just to take another shot at it). I think this is safely evidenced by the fact that they completely blanked out the ending of Fallout 3 with the introduction of the Broken Steel DLC (but don't get me wrong, I loved that I was able to take my character back into the world, but how it happened was a bit of a cop out). That's not to say that their stories are terrible, only that they aren't so deep. It's the sidequests that they excel at, and I find myself frequently putting the main quest aside in favor of freeing slaves, exploring long lost Vaults, and curing Aleswell of its curse of invisibility.

In this regard, Bethesda are better at world-building. You can go anywhere in the sandboxes they create almost immediately, and you typically can't walk ten yards without seeing something interesting and unique. Most of the time I spent playing Fallout 3 was just wandering around! It felt like a proper adventure, where there was stuff that you might never see even if you've played it three times through. Where you have an inflamed sense of freedom to the point where it can feel like the world belongs to you. For instance: Oasis. Three-Dog talks about this place at length during the game, but you're never told exactly where it is. You've got to find it. You're not missing out on anything quest-wise if you don't; it's just there for you to discover at your leisure, which I loved. And it made it all the more rewarding when I actually found it.

And to go back to BioWare: they have nothing on Bethesda's world-building. Most of their zones are too small for my liking, or they're designed like labyrinths to give the illusion of distance and scale. Even Mass Effect 2 was not immune to this, since there was a loading screen between every deck on the Normandy. And Dragon Age was the worst of all. An example being the forest outside of Ostagar near the beginning of the game. When I looked at the mini-map for it, I swear it looked like a maze you'd find in the Sunday paper, and it wasn't limited to just this forest, either.

To make my first point, this is where I could do with some overlapping. If there was only an RPG with the story and dialogue of a BioWare game and the epic world-building and sidequests of a Bethesda game. This is what I was getting around to, because that's what I've always effing wanted. It doesn't have to be completely free-roaming, but just big enough so that the loading screens aren't so intrusive. I died a little inside whenever I hit one of these bastards in the game, which was like every couple of minutes. To reenact this experience, watch one of your most favorite movies, then pause it every two minutes, and watch this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wL0guyWFIl0

3) Okay, now here comes Lionhead Studios, the makers of a game that I only semi-liked, Fable, and a game that's quickly becoming one of my favorites, Fable II. The funny thing is that this game had a lot of the problems from the other games. Lots of loading screens, a disjointed feeling about it, and a story that was pretty much Zelda: OoT but with "heroes" instead of spiritual stones. But what Fable II did absolutely right was to give you the option of making a home for yourself within that world, no matter where it was. Your reputation follows you everywhere, and people even know if you're living within their town. People stop to sing your praises and talk about your family or dog or exploits.

Whereas the stories from BioWare felt dynamic, the entire WORLD felt dynamic in Fable II. You can get married, have kids, and start multiple families if you're feeling a bit Mormo...I mean, in the mood for polygamy. People react to your decisions, spread gossip about you, and even blackmail you! The bastards. You can buy almost every building in the game, redecorate them, resell them, rent them out to get a steady cash flow going, even when you're not playing the game, giving me the feeling that the world kept going when my Xbox was switched off. I loved that aspect; it made me feel as though I had some control over the world itself. It felt a part of that world, because I could prove it! I had a house and an address.

And a job!

That's what I want in a game:

-The story and production values of a BioWare game
-The free-roaming, expansive and detailed world of a Bethesda game
-And the dynamic (i.e. home/job/a place to call your own in the world) feeling of a Lionhead game

This, I think, would equal the perfect western RPG. Each of these companies are slowly trending toward that outcome, with Mass Effect 2 giving you captain's quarters and Fallout 3 giving you a house or apartment as a reward for a quest, but it just wasn't as cool as in Fable II, where I could find my favorite spot in the game and choose my house accordingly. It made the difference between playing a game and feeling immersed.

That's what I wanted to say. Took awhile to get that out there but, yeah. To that end we have many sequels on the way for each of these properties. Fable III might make an appearance this year, Fallout: New Vegas is coming out this Fall, Mass Effect 3 might be released as early as NEXT year, and Dragon Age 2 has a release date in February of next year, or so Dragon Age - Awakening told be, but I don't trust that thing at all these days.

Also THIS.

Cult British Re-makes, part 1: the new Doctor Who

I'm a bit concerned that I seem to be writing negative, angry reviews and articles, which Knightfall celebrates great stuff. I think he is more healthy. But I've had a bad day and I want to rant!

On Saturday night I watched a double-bill of brand new versions of classic, cult British shows which I love: Episode 3 of the latest series of Doctor Who, and the very first episode of the curious new remake of The Prisoner. It was strange and fun to see two TV remakes one after another, but I really was disappointed by both of them.

-------------------------------

Newcomer Matt Smith plays the 11th Doctor, but he's just like the 10th. He overacts slightly less, and he's slightly younger, and he has a bow tie. Aside from that, he's identical. It annoys me how young and handsome the character has become. I preferred him as a strange old man, a wild eccentric, or at the very least a moody oddball. Ever since David Tennant (10th Doctor), he's been a cool, dashing, even sexy hero. And ever since Christopher Eccleston (9th Doctor and the first of the reinvented series) he's stuck to a pretty solid formula.

The formula is as follows-

The Doctor regenerates, to find he is younger and cooler than before. Immediately he meets / rescues an attractive but inexperienced girl from London who is either Rose Tyler or a half-assed imitation of Rose Tyler because Billie Piper wasn't available.
He spends a few episodes wooing her over to his adventurous, seemingly-carefree lifestyle while travelling between Britain's romantic past, the alien-invaded present and a dystopian (yet somehow contemporary) future-version of the country. He warns her that the life is dangerous, but she finds a new lease of life accompanying him.
And then the Daleks/Cybermen/Master/bloody Daleks again return even though he was sure he finished them off properly last time. He is distraught and terrified when he sees them again. Finally there is an epic conclusion, and the Doctor makes a serious face and shouts at the baddies. Not-Rose keeps him 'human' throughout this and he makes some jokes during the final confrontation to demonstrate this. They win. They also meet another character who has a spin-off series, and the Doctor and Bootleg Rose almost kiss a couple of times.

And this formula was AMAZING back when (fantastic) writer Russell T Davies invented it, and hired Christopher Eccleston to play the title role. It was new and daring. We had a great new Doctor, modern issues, a 'companion' who was rounded, relatable and interesting as well as being eye candy. Eccleston's serious face and shouty voice were genuinely intimidating.* If anything, the character was more believable when he suddenly became enraged. He was over 30. And the writing, acting and casting were magnificent. It was very different to previous versions of the show, but that was surprisingly not a bad thing.
Eccleston wisely quit after the first, perfect, self-contained series. The 9th Doctor's death at the end gave the show an excellent, bittersweet climax.

If you ever fancy watching some great British sci-fi, I highly recommend this series. I really love it.

The Doctor and his companion, as played by grown-up actors.

It's just, in 2005, this was an amazing programme. Now, five seasons later, not much is different about it... but it's become bad television. The acting is very poor, the plots are child-oriented, the Daleks (back again!) are painted in bright primary colours, and the leads are little more than rip-offs of the 10th Doctor and Rose.

I always felt that the David Tenant years were a watered-down, shallow, kid-friendly copy of the superb, succinct, Eccleston series. But they were still good fun. Now... they've taken it too far. It's soulless now.

Also, they buggered up the logo and theme tune.

And I wanted to say this publicly - about Saturday night's episode, 'Victory of the Daleks'...

That was the absolute worst depiction of Winston Churchill I've ever seen in my life. No really, the absolute worst. That actor, and whoever wrote the episode, should be ashamed of themselves.

-----Pictured: Churchill, bumbling around, making funny faces, siding with homicidal aliens, getting confused, chomping endless cigars to settle his nerves, trusting mysterious travellers, and blushing as he's outwitted by a pretty young woman who he makes privy to all his military strategy.

Like he always did.

If you watched Saturday's episode - and you remember the moment when the Doctor is reunited with the Daleks... and how he was confused, scared and energised by their reappearance... and how we kept getting shots from the Daleks' blue-tinted POV as he tried to out-think them...

Then check this out!

*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wztQfjx6gsg&feature=related

Now that's more like it!

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I'd like to spend even more time talking about The Prisoner and its remake, so I'll make this a two-part piece! The second part ought to be less negative, at least!

Be seeing you.

Movie Review: Kick-Ass

It might have just been because I was having a terrible, terrible day, but I walked out of Kick-Ass with the greatest feeling of satisfaction I've felt since Star Trek last year. I've seen good movies since then, sure, but this film came out of nowhere to make me laugh, make me sad, and finally excited for the story to continue. Yeah, I was praying for a sequel as soon as I left the theater.

Every trailer I had seen set me up for something completely different. I was thinking it would be a semi-parody. Maybe something along the lines of Superbad meets Spiderman with a hint of Watchmen. I was almost there, because I had believed that I wouldn't come to take this story or the movie seriously. That I would have my laughs or awe at the action and then leave, never to watch it again. Oh, but how wrong I was.

The premise centers around a teenager with nothing going for him who lives in the bad side of town where being mugged is almost a weekly ritual. Finally, he decides he isn't going to take it anymore, and develops a "superhero" persona, Kick-Ass, so that he might bring justice to the streets of his city. But as he pointed out in the film, what he manages to bring isn't so much justice, but good intentions. In any case, he attempts to stave off the wrong villains, and ends up getting caught up in a mobster conspiracy. Peter Parker never had it so hard.

Along the way, Kick-Ass meets up with a handful of other masked vigilantes, who will change the way he thought about fighting crime, because finding and beating up the bad guy isn't as simple as it sounds. Sometimes you might piss off the wrong people, which is exactly what happens.

As you watch the movie, it might remind you of several other movies, and you'd be absolutely right there. This movie still is an almost-parody of some of the major comic book franchises and films out there. You'll see little minute references to stories such as Watchmen, X-Men, Spiderman, Batman, and even Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight. It's a comic and superhero lover's delight, and takes shots at all of these properties, and manages to celebrate them at the same time.

But none of those movies/comics were even remotely violent and language-ridden as this movie was, and that's a fact.

The actors, all of them, do an amazing job here. The lead actor playing Kick-Ass (the real-life Brit who happens to be engaged to a 43-year-old) does a fantastic job channeling Peter Parker, as well as bringing a surprising amount of depth to his character. I came to sympathize with him as the film continued, instead of laughing at him. He's a good kid who tries to do good, and it doesn't turn out to be that simple.

The other superhero duo in the film, Big Daddy and Hit-Girl, are simply amazing characters who manage to completely undermine the focus of the movie and come to own the entire production. This was their movie. Nicholas Cage does a fantastic, awesome, stupendous job of playing the Batman rip-off who is wearing more than one mask when it comes to his life. There are a few moments where he plays to the intensity of the situation and he just outright shines. There's no overacting, save when he intentionally begins channeling Adam West's Batman to a noticeable degree, as if to parody the always-noticeable, consistently grating voice of Christian Bale's Batman.

But perhaps even more impressing is the young actress who portrays Hit-Girl who, like Nicholas Cage, completely stole the show whenever she was on screen. She is violent and foul-mouthed on a Rorschach-like scale, and does so without ever sounding fake. Easily one of the best child actors in the business today, trouncing all else. Her performance alone might justify buying the ticket for this movie.

Don't want to talk too much about "McLovin's" character, as he's central to the plot as the Harry Osborn-type character, but he does an awesome job in this movie, as well.

Kick-Ass is definitely THE movie to see this month if you're a fan of comics, superheroes, and gratuitous violence. Can't wait to see it again. =D