100 Words Part 3: 9,200 Words

So damn close to 10,000 words... if only they would run an 8-day special event and I could have a round number!

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So it's the end of the month, and that means I have another batch of 31 100-word-long stories to show-off.
Last September, Battlechantress at the Fanfic Forums let us all know about 100words.com - a 'Social tasking' site, or a writing' game where, once you sign up, you must write exactly 100 words every day for a month. Some people use it for a blog, some people write poems, some stories, and some like Battlechantress, Knightfall and myself use it for a combination of them.

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This month, I wrote a Christmas and Christianty theme, as well as an ongoing fantasy story with a daft twist. I wasn't going to bother after October and November, but my mate Chris was doing it and I wanted to write alongside him.

So here is Chris' batch for the month.

And here is Chantress'

And here is Knight's excellent October one...

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AND - here are MIIIIIIINE.

My October batch (Halloween/superhero theme, ongoing mad scientist story)

My November batch (theme of memory / history)

And my all new, super-smashing December batch!

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After coming up with 92 ideas for these little pieces (some of them good, some of them clearly rushed...) I am exhausted. I have really enjoyed this game, and will almost certainly be having a few more goes sometime in 2011.

Till then, here's a few of my entries from this month:


1.

In the beginning was the word. The word was 'Strewth': God's truth. It was a contraction. It was the beginning of the evolution of language.

God had created Uluru, and around that he had created Eden. It was a land of desert and grass, which held and blended every facet of the beauty of the Earth. Monsters roamed and patrolled Eden, and coral lay around its edges like a halo, but more colourful. The people he would place there would be beautiful.

It was an experiment, a prototype. He thought maybe it was a bit much. But it was good.


14.

Sophia has one of those wedding dresses that actually looks kind of boring, plain. It's basically just an ordinary dress, except white. We could have bleached one of her regular dresses. But she doesn't need a fancy costume. Nothing could make her more beautiful t- no, it's a bad dress. I wouldn't have picked it.

She likes it, obviously. I catch her eye and she gives me her new smile. It's like the awkward, secretive one she gave me for ten years, but now it ends with her thrusting her head forward a touch, sweetly. Yeah. I finally won you.


25.

An angel watched over the spectacle of the messiah's birth, its expression unreadable.

This was not a handsome man with feathery wings and white clothes. Angels are indescribable. And I don't mean like you think that very lovely view you saw is indescribable, or the beauty of the girl you loved. I mean truly. It's not just that I can't describe it, either. I don't mean to use the word as an excuse for my poor vocabulary. Not this time, anyway. The angel was indescribable. Incredible.

The mother below held God incarnate in her arms and worried about a census.

Gift Card Results

Got a $50 gift card to Borders from my parents on Christmas. Went to spend it today and came back with these:

* Lord Foul's Bane by Stephen Donaldson

* Gardens of the Moon by Steven Erikson

* Star Wars: The Cestus Deception by Steven Barnes (What the hell's with all the forms of Steve? That was not intentional.)

* The Sword of Shannara by Terry Brooks

* Mass Effect: Retribution by Drew Karpyshyn

* Eon by Greg Bear

Not sure how most of these are going to turn out, and I still have a metric shit-ton of books still on my reading pile. Trying to get myself back into the habit of reading everyday, so hopefully that pile will shrink sooner rather than next year.

First Impressions: Dragon Age: The Calling by David Gaider

What can I say about Lead Writer David Gaider's debut novel, Dragon Age: The Stolen Throne? It was pretty good! There were times when it slumped, and times when it tried to do things that other fantasy novels have done better, but on the whole: I liked the book. It expanded greatly on the lore of Ferelden, introduced some interesting characters, and seemed to act like a true prequel to the video game.

Because of my love of the Dragon Age series, this book was a solid 4 out of 5 to me. But let's talk about the follow-up novel, Dragon Age: The Calling. As one reviewer on Amazon so perfectly put it: While The Stolen Throne tried to do too much in just 400 pages, The Calling doesn't do enough. What happened during the first 100 pages of the first book? War were declared. We get introduced to the Orlais-occupied Ferelden, the heir to the throne, his best friend, and a massive battle breaks out. In the second book? It takes 100 pages to pick up some pendants at the Circle Tower and get to the Deep Roads...maybe a little more than 100 pages, actually.

See...there's no story here. Nothing's happening, nothing's getting resolved. There's a mystery to it all, but it's not enough to drive the relatively lackluster story. Every time this subplot pops up, I get totally interested. It's intriguing, it ties in to a couple of the DA:O add-ons. But then I get sent back into the main storyline, and I start getting bored again.

The characters are surprisingly flat. They remind me of those random party members that would join your Warden in the game: just enough characterization to make you acknowledge them. Even Maric, who was great in the last book, comes off as...stupid? I mean, the fact that he's even in the Deep Roads in the first place is on account of a form of stupidity I can't even fathom. It just doesn't make sense. He tries to justify it A LOT going forward, but it's just never enough. It's actually one of the first times I've ever felt that in a book; I just could not suspend my disbelief. I refused to believe that the King of Ferelden is that much of an idiot.

The saving grace of this book is that it tells Duncan's story, or rather, how he joined the Grey Wardens. Why he was there, and how he acted at that age. It was actually really, really surprising. You see Duncan as this bastion of patience and wisdom in the game. In the book, he's kind of an asshole. He steals shit for no reason, he's cynical to the point of being a douche, and his life lessons are a direct result of his stupidity. This is not how I envisioned Duncan's beginnings. It's not that it doesn't exactly make sense, it's that the story will have to do a lot to sell me on that change in character that must eventually take place.

And finally: What the fuck is with BioWare and the Deep Roads? I have to laugh every single time they send me back there. I thought I had escaped them in the books. The Stolen Throne proved me wrong, and The Calling proved me doubly wrong. There is just nothing significant about the Deep Roads that they've shown so far. There are only so many different variants of "tunnel" and "cave" that you can use to describe them. Halfway through the book, I'm tired of the Deep Roads. I just can't imagine how this opportunity to showcase more of Ferelden was passed upon in order to tell a story in the most uninspired part of the country.

I'm not setting myself up for disappointment next time. I'm fully expecting another trek into the Deep Roads in Dragon Age II. Fully.

As of now, it's getting really difficult to continue on. The story is not progressing, the environment is boring, the characters are not so great because, once again, Gaider has decided to stick to long instances of exposition instead of letting his characters express themselves (one of them doesn't even talk in the first place). There was a bit involving an exchange of stories around a campfire that was really well done, but I know I'm not going to see another moment like that.

In summation: The Calling is pretty boring so far. It seems like a wasted opportunity and a rushed job with very few redeeming features beyond an opportunity to learn about Duncan's youth. Even then, where's Levi Dryden? He claimed that he was instrumental in bringing the Warden's back to Ferelden after the occupation, but he isn't mentioned in the book. It would have been nice to have a little consistency here and a deeper story. Instead, this reads like a 400+ page book that could have very, very easily been told in 200. Maybe 250.

I'll keep trying to get through it, but if I fail: read above once more.

EDIT: I've made it through 3/4ths of the book now, and things picked up substantially. Granted, it took 200 pages before I was truly hooked, but some neat things happened that were definitely worth reading. Not sure how much my rating will change after I finish it, but I'm certainly not as annoyed at this book as I was before!

Mock Effect 2 is up... again!

Remember when I recently announced Clint Johnston's 'Mock Effect 2', the sequel to my bizarrely-popular fan-parody of Mass Effect from a couple of years ago? I'm about to do almost the exact same thing again!

See - there is now ANOTHER Mock Effect 2. This one is written by James Mackenzie (under the screen name Jraym16.)

A few months ago, when I gave up my own aspirations of writing a 'Mock Effect 2', both James and Clint contacted me and asked for my blessing to do the second one and keep 'John and Jane' Shepard alive. Cleverly, I said yes to both of them. In my defence, both of them showed me very, very funny sample chapters.

James has actually been working on his version for as long as his rival, but as of this week he has started posting his work. And - it's still very funny.

So - here is the link to Mock Effect 2: The Other One!

It will be very interesting to see how the two authors handle the premise and characters they've both been writing simultaneously! So far both are amusing me a great deal.


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And here is a sample from the prologue:

(Below decks, Lt Kaidan Alenko runs through the hallway in a miss-sized white and shocking pink armor. He struggles to get his helmet on which seemingly resembles some kind of death mask. Nearby him, several crewman die in more bizarre electrical discharges, making extremely canned scream sound effects in the process. He finally finds Commander Jane Shepard standing by the escape pods adjusting her own helmet with a new tinted visor.)

Kaidan: Shepard!

Jane: I wish people would use my first name more often. Oh well, I guess it’s better than ma’am. Anyway, the distress beacon is ready for launch. Not sure what good it’ll do but hey. Wait a minute, is that Williams’ armor you’re wearing?

Kaidan: Uh well, I um…er

Jane: You know what, I don’t want to know. But, what’s with the death mask.

Kaidan: Well, Williams’ has been into this emo thing recently…

Jane: So it is Williams’ armor.

Kaidan: OK. I swear this isn’t how it looks.

Jane: Explain later, we’ve got bigger problems.

Kaidan: Will the Alliance get here in time?

Jane: What, with several hours before Admiral BISHOPFROMALIENS gets this signal, a multi hour trip, and a ship raining a death laser beam down on us? Of course they won’t be here!

Kaidan: Oh.

(Kaidan starts spraying the nearby fires with a fire extinguisher. There is a post-it note on it saying “Do not remove from cockpit. –Joker”)

Jane: Get everyone on the escape shuttles.

Kaidan: Joker’s still in the cockpit. He won’t abandon the ship. I’m not leaving either.

Jane: Have you noticed the ship is disintegrating around us?! And why did no one pick up Joker on the way down?! He can’t even walk!

Kaidan: Well, I was trying to find the escape pods. I don’t remember seeing them anywhere on the ship before. There’s no directions or anything.

Jane: Alliance regs specify that escape pods be hidden away behind secret passages, like this one behind the sleep coffins of death.

(Another crewman runs by and is hit by an explosion.)

Jane: The regs also specify that power be transferred through exposed and explosive conduits. Just like back on the Endar Spire right? Oh sorry, I’ve been working on that.

Kaidan: It’s OK Shepard, you’re trying.

Jane: Alright, I gotta go get Joker. Get everyone to the escape pods Kaidan, now.

(She starts to walk away)

Kaidan: Hey Shepard! (She looks around) Thanks for getting my name right.

Jane: (smiles under her helmet) See you down on the planet.

Kaidan: You got it.

Knight's Year of Reading: How LucasArts and BioWare Made More Money Off Of Me

Didn't read as many books as I should've this year, but most of them were definitely quality...and most of them were by Matthew Stover. Don't think I need to go back over just how much I love that guy's books, what they mean to me, etc. Again, I'll say say this: I read SHATTERPOINT and REVENGE OF THE SITH and they inspired me to write two novels (280,000 words total). That's how much.

S'why I'm glad I got the opportunity to read three great books by the Grandmaster this year, and some other great books that I'd happily recommend to anyone. There were a few stinkers, but I'll get to those.

DRAGON AGE: THE STOLEN THRONE
by David Gaider
(3/5 Stars)

Most of the beginning of this year was spent dealing with the aftershocks of BioWare's two major releases, DRAGON AGE: ORIGINS and MASS EFFECT 2. I thoroughly enjoyed ME2, but DA:O might as well have been a religious experience for me, because I could not get enough of it. My way of dealing with all the excitement I was feeling was to buy Lead Writer of DA:O David Gaider's prequel novel, THE STOLEN THRONE.

Buch and I both read this book at the same time, and we were both pleasantly surprised. The lore was greatly expanded upon, Ferelden got a backstory worthy of retelling, and just brought a lot of things together, particularly in the way of Loghain and Maric's relationship. There were some great scenes, but A LOT of battles, some of them tedious to get through. But this was a great book. Can't quite recommend it to anyone who isn't a fan of DA, but there ya go.


STAR WARS: TRAITOR
by Matthew Stover
(5/5 Stars)

I had put off reading this one since it's technically the thirteenth book in a the NEW JEDI ORDER series. I felt some obligation to read the other books, but I'm glad I finally talked myself into picking it up. Wow. This isn't so much a Star Wars novel than it is an experience. Jacen Solo's trials in the Embrace of Pain are some of the most chilling scenes I've read in a book. Not only that, but it posed a few philosophical questions that really just rocked my universe.

I really recommend this book. Yes, it's the thirteenth book in a series, but there are only a few things that might make you scratch your head if you're not familiar with the timeline. This story is worth dealing those brief moments of bewilderment.


STAR WARS: LUKE SKYWALKER AND THE SHADOWS OF MINDOR
by MATTHEW STOVER
(5/5 Stars)

Every time I read a Stover book, there's that moment afterward where I just feel like he's written my favorite book. This is a book where Stover really takes advantage of that blank slate in the post-OT canon between RETURN OF THE JEDI and HEIR TO THE EMPIRE and exploits it for all its worth. It revolves around the Battle of Mindor, the incident that persuaded Luke to resign his title as General. Let me tell you, he did have his reasons.

This is one of the first books that really does its part in referencing the Prequel Trilogy, making the timeline more cohesive, bringing many threads together. Not only that, but Stover really celebrates what made the OT great, giving his own point of view on the nature of myths themselves along the way. This is one of my favorite books, if not my current favorite, specifically because there are so many layers to peel back here and examine.

People might be thrown off by the cheesy dialogue/narrative through the first part of the book, but...you know...that's Star Wars, and Stover does all he can to show you what you've been missing. Fraking love this book. Praying for a sequel.


STAR WARS: HEIR TO THE EMPIRE
by Timothy Zahn
(4/5 Stars)

The importance of the Thrawn Trilogy can't be understated. Zahn's books essentially created the Expanded Universe and guided the direction where these stories would continue on in the two decades since its publication. I'm not overhyping it, either. These are quality books. All of your favorite from the Original Trilogy are here, and they are perfectly characterized. And the adventure is true Star Wars.

Not to mention Thrawn, who is probably one of the best villains ever, in any medium. The reason I can't give this book 5 stars is because...well...you cannot read this book without reading the other two. You just can't. Look at this as 1/3rd of a bigger book, because that's essentially what it is.


STAR WARS: DARK FORCE RISING
by Timothy Zahn
(4/5 Stars)

Again...wow. This is a great story, and it continues on very well here, with a lot of twists and turns along the way. There's not much I can say without spoiling the story, but this continues the story of Luke and the Gang as they try and outmaneuver and outwit Grand Admiral Thrawn, and this is not an easy task. Great sequel but, once again, this is the second part of a larger story. THE LAST COMMAND is the last book, but I'm still making my way through it currently. Hopefully, I'll have it read soon!


THE BLACK PRISM
by Brent Weeks
(2/5 Stars)

Brent Weeks is a great person, and a great writer when he wants to be. It just really seems like he cranked this out really quickly, though, because it doesn't have the polish or depth that a fantasy novel of this size should. People who have read his NIGHT ANGEL TRILOGY will notice similarities in characterization, dialogue, and even story.

He's mentioned GRRM's books several times as his inspiration, and it definitely seems as though Mr. Weeks is trying to emulate him in terms of scope, multiple POVs, and really just being a dick to his characters. But Brent really shines when he sticks to one character, which is why I loved THE WAY OF SHADOWS as much as I did. When he tries introducing so many characters, so many bits of information, and so many conflicts at once...he loses me, and he lost me big time here. Don't think I'll be buying the second book in this series, unfortunately.


TEST OF METAL: A PLANESWALKER NOVEL
by Matthew Stover
(5/5 Stars)

After giving THE BLACK PRISM a try and not really caring for it, I almost thought there was something wrong with me. I thought maybe there was something about the fantasy genre that just wasn't gelling with me anymore. That instantly changed when I started reading this book. It reminded me why I've been sticking with this genre for so long, and why I'm glad that I have.

I didn't know anything about M:TG lore when I started reading this, but you really don't have to. I was very rarely lost, but you do benefit from knowing some of the events that occurred in the previous book, AGENTS OF ARTIFICE. Still, ToM is a fantastic, mind-bending read. Stover handles the concept of a multiverse with all the subtlety of an astrophysics professor on crack, mercilessly introducing you to concepts that will make your head hurt for long periods of time afterward. Don't even get me started on the fight scene that takes you forward, backward, and SIDEWAYS through time. God...

I'm going to have to fiercely recommend this book to anyone who likes to be mentally stimulated. You might just learn a few things about life, the universe, and everything in the process.


OLD MAN'S WAR
by John Scalzi
(4/5 Stars)

This is the best science fiction novel that I've read in a very long time. Deep, yet subtle. Grand, yet simplistic in its presentation. Scalzi tells the story of John Perry, an elderly man who has just turned 75, and has also just joined the military branch of a mysterious organization. After wandering in ignorance for some time, Perry finds himself with a new, combat-ready body, and in the middle of a horrendous intergalactic conflict.

Scalzi channels the classics of the genre, all the while weaving together a great story that doesn't overstay its welcome. In fact, it seems to check out before dinner is served, which is one of the only detracting factors of this novel; it ends far too quickly, it's almost surprising! I'm currently making my way through the sequel, THE GHOST BRIGADES and loving it. If you haven't given this a try, I really must insist that you do!


That's pretty much it! There are plenty (a ton) of other books that I tried and failed to read this year, but I don't really want to talk about them. Maybe later.

Here's what I'm going to be attempting next year!

-WISE MAN'S FEAR by Patrick Rothfuss

-HIS FATHER'S FIST by Matthew Stover (Still gotta read the rest of the series. Some fan I am.)

-Any other Stover releases afterward.

-THE COUNT OF MONTE CRISTO by Alexandre Dumas (Seriously, this thing's huge.}

-STAR WARS: THE LAST COMMAND by Timothy Zahn

-THE LAST COLONY by John Scalzi

-SHADOW'S SON by John Sprunk

-THE EYE OF THE WORLD by Robert Jordan

-Any Dragon Age novels that should be released. You know there will be.

Dragon Age! The Musical

I remember seeing Eric Idle's musical Spamalot, based on Monty Python and the Holy Grail earlier this year. I had a good time, but I couldn't help thinking, Gosh! This is fun and all, but if only it were more like my own masterpiece MOCK EFFECT BY MISTER BUCH, the parody that took the world by storm.

Well! I don't know why he hasn't posted anything about it, but Knight has been writing a script parody of the beloved Dragon Age: Origins.

I love script parodies, and this is a very fine one so far. It's about time Knight wrote one!
Sadly fanfiction.net doesn't accept anything in script form because it's beneath their high quality standards (however they do accept porn stories about Pokemon).
But we can at least advertise it here, for what that's worth ;)

Here it is - Dragon Age! The Musical

And here's a bit of it:


[You, That Guy, and That Other Guy sit down while Alistair moves to stand next to the altar.]

DUNCAN: As part of the Joining, Alistair will recite the words that have preceded this ritual every time since the beginning. Alistair, if you would.

[Alistair clears his throat and lowers his head.]

ALISTAIR [solemnly]: Na Na...Na Na Na Na...Hey Hey Hey...Goodbye...

DUNCAN: And so we proceed. You, That Guy, please step forward.

[Duncan holds out a chalice filled with lyrium-enriched darkspawn blood.]

THAT GUY: You...want me to drink that?

DUNCAN: It is the blood of the darkspawn that gives a Grey Warden their power. It allows you to sense the taint, giving you the ability to sense the darkspawn themselves. It's completely safe.

THAT GUY: Really? It's safe?

DUNCAN: Oh my, no. Down the hatch.

ALISTAIR: Drinking the blood gives us the only tool capable of impeding the darkspawn advances.

THAT GUY: I don't see how. How does being able to sense an army numbered in the thousands give you any sort of advantage? That's like being able to sense when it's going to rain.

ALISTAIR: Well, you don't have to, I guess. We thought you were a cool guy, but I guess we were wrong.

DUNCAN: Indeed. He did seem like a cool guy when I invited him to join, but that does not appear to be the case. He's lame.

THAT GUY: That's not true! I'm totally cool! Watch!

[That Guy drinks the entire chalice and slams it back on the altar. His smile is wide for a moment, until he begins to feel the effects. He crumples to the ground.]

THAT GUY: Damn you...peer pressure. You've done me in again...

[He dies.]

WARDEN: Wowsers.

THAT OTHER GUY: No! No, no, no!

[That Other Guy withdraws.]

THAT OTHER GUY: No, I won't do this! You never said anything about this!

ALISTAIR: That's too bad. We thought you were a cool guy.

DUNCAN: I, too, thought he was cool, but he appears to be nothing but an anti-Fonz.

THAT OTHER GUY: No, I won't give in to your peer pressure so easily.

[Just then, Duncan sprints from the altar, descends on That Other Guy, and drives his blade through the man's gut. As the life begins to drain from That Other Guy's eyes, he spots a cherry blossom tree on the other side of the platform. A breeze whips through its leaves, sending pink pedals into the air.]

THAT OTHER GUY: ...Perfect...[He slumps.] They are all...perfect...

[He dies. Duncan wipes his fingerprints off the blade and places it in That Other Guy's hand.]

DUNCAN: It was suicide. You all saw it, right? [He glares at you.] Right?

WARDEN: If I can get through this Joining without dying, then I didn't see a thing.

DUNCAN: That's what I like to hear.

Let's Talk About How Saturday's Announcements Were Geek-Prophecy

The VGAs. They're pretty lame. Even if they do give the awards to the deserving, whatever legitimacy it has is lost beneath the advertising and flashing lights and how it seems like 3/4ths of the people who appear at the awards don't really know what video games are. But, people do tune in, which gives some developers reason enough to showcase what they're working on. In this case, two of the greatest RPG developers of all time, BioWare and Bethesda, chose the VGAs as their moment to step out and show off their wares.

And it was pretty awesome.

MASS EFFECT 3

Good golly, that was a nice looking trailer, and I honestly hadn't been expecting the last game to take place on Earth at all. It's very clear that BioWare's very proud of themselves, as well as this game, since they've been teasing this one minute trailer for a little over a month now with a bunch of silly barcodes. Still! I can't complain.

I'm very excited to see how it all comes to an end. I've laid down some harsh criticism of the games since I first got my hands on them, but they are some quality experiences. Maybe they're not technically RPGs, maybe the choices you make don't amount to much else than brief references later on...and maybe there wasn't much of a story in ME2...and maybe you spent the entire game working out family issues...and maybe...

Anyway, I do love those games. Shepard's story is one worth following, and I'm very glad that I've followed it for as long as I have. Again, very excited for this one.

THE ELDER SCROLLS V: SKYRIM

I must admit, I never got a chance to play Morrowind, so my heart will always belong to Oblivion, the game that let you level up your aerobics by jumping around. I played that game for hours unending, exploring every bit of the world I was powerful enough to explore, breaking into as many homes as I could, selling as many stolen goods as I could. That game is still one of my favorites, so I am obviously very excited to see Skyrim is well on its way.

It'll be sporting a brand new engine in a brand new region. I don't know much about the provinces outside of Cyrodiil, but I can imagine it'll epic.

I keep wondering what they might change, what they might keep. RPGs seem destined to be streamlined into movie format, but I wonder if Bethesda will fall prey to this. I hear from the Morrowind faithful that things were lost in translation between it and Oblivion's release, but for the life of me, I can't figure out what they could have streamlined. Oblivion seemed like the "everything and the kitchen sink" kind of game.

The only thing I hope they change is the combat and implement the conversation system from Fallout 3 and New Vegas. Can't think of much else, though.

What sucks is that both ME3 and Skyrim have their release dates set for the end of next year which, according to math, means that we'll be waiting nearly an entire year to get our hands on these RPGs. Fire and damnation!

Surviving the Deep Roads: How You Probably Won't

Just had to make a quick post on the hopelessly bland purgatory that is the Deep Roads in Dragon Age. It's not enough that most of the game takes place under there, but most of the DLC does, too...and both of the books.

The Deep Roads marked one of the most frustrating places in any fantasy game I've ever played. It took forever to get through it. Forever. Now, I love the concept of it. In fact, it's almost disappointing that we can't see them in their former glory, before the darkspawn took them over for themselves. But seriously...

So, aside from that large section of the game that takes place down there, we also have:

-The Stone Prisoner - When Shale goes to search for clues about its identity.

-The Golems of Amgarrak - When you are summoned to help out a desperate explorer. It's not like you haven't done that before down there.

-Witch Hunt - When you go back to the exact same place you searched for Shale's identity. I had to laugh when I saw that.

-Dragon Age: The Stolen Throne - When someone in the party thought it was the best idea ever to travel through the Deep Roads instead of, I don't know, surface roads. I was practically shouting at the book, trying to stop them from dragging me down there with them. Didn't work as well as I thought it would

-Dragon Age: The Calling - When a Grey Warden guilts King Maric into returning to the Deep Roads because he's actually been down there, never mind the fact that he hardly remembers much about that journey, which is now fourteen years past. I wanted to cry into the book for making me go back there mentally now - for the second time.

See? You can't escape it. It's been a year since I started playing DA, and I still haven't escaped it. If my concept of the multiverse holds any water, that's where I'll be going instead of hell.

My Worries About Dragon Age 2.

BioWare recently opened up an official thread on their forums asking fans to tell them what exactly has them so flustered about Dragon Age II. Of the many worries that I read, the majority of them seemed to be in line with what I was thinking (though many were simply worried about the logistics of the PC version, which does not affect me). But I thought I'd take a moment to get my own thoughts in order since I'm riding this DA:O high and articulate why I'm worried about DA2. Hopefully this post doesn't reach rambling-length, but this is a topic I'm passionate about, so...yeah.

1) Human Hawke

When I found out that BioWare was forcing you to play a human named Hawke, who would also be voiced (ala Mass Effect) I could hear my heart breaking inside my chest. It's that same terrified and helpless feeling that you'd get hearing your TV fall over in the other room. I remember feeling betrayed, bewildered, and finally...sad. Let me recount what my favorite games of all time are at the moment:

1) Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic

2) World of Warcraft

3) Dragon Age: Origins

I loved DA:O because BioWare let you own the story. Your Warden looked how you wanted him to look, had a unique backstory (unique enough), and acted the way you wanted him to act. There were several times while playing the game that the immersion factor was ramped up so high it felt like I was there with the characters, as corny as it sounds. The reason for this was because BioWare left an empty hole in the game called "the Warden" and asked you to fill it with as much of your being as you could.

Right off the bat, DA2 will not have that. You are Hawke. You are Human. Someone else will be speaking for you. That, more than anything, really bugs the hell out of me. Giving players the option to switch off Hawke's voice-over would put me at ease x1000. But I do not think that will happen.

2) Replay Value

Let's face it, most decisions in BioWare games ultimately amount to doing things the hard way or the easy way. Good cop/Bad Cop. It's not for lack of ingenuity; BioWare's platform is to focus on a strict, well-written storyline. If you give your players tons of ways to complete each task, then you'll still have a great game (Oblivion) but the story takes a hit because of it (Oblivion). That, and you have to deal with party members and other NPCs in the world reacting to each decision you make, which is pretty damn daunting.

The reason DA:O worked so well in this regard is because the Origins essentially modified the storyline to grant the player a new experience when replaying the game. Think if DA:O had limited you to only playing through as a Human Noble, it would still be a fun game, but the wanting to replay it would not be very intense. Because the role-playing factor was so involving, playing through another race and another Origin was almost like playing another game.

I'm worried that DA2 will not have that replay factor, or that my next replay will boil down to choosing all of the "Bad Cop" options. I played Mass Effect twice: once Paragon, once Renegade. I played Mass Effect 2 twice: once Paragon, and once to show everyone I could keep my crew alive. KotOR is my favorite game, but I've only played through it twice, as well: once Light Side, once Dark Side. Same with KotOR II (though that was Obsidian, same concept). Whereas right now, I have like...four different characters going in DA:O, and I've put quite a bit of time into each of them.

I'm worried that DA2 will give me one or two playthroughs. One or two sub-par playthroughs, since the role-playing factor is taking a hit since its predecessor.

3) Continuing Adventures

There's a reason why I'm so fond of the DA:O DLC. Since BioWare didn't have to bring in the highly-paid voice actor in to voice your character in the DLC, it made it a more cohesive experience. In Mass Effect 2, the "Firewalker" add-on had you doing an hour long mission, but no one freaking talked. Not Shepard, not anyone. This might not be the case with later add-ons, but if there's even a chance that BioWare might have to offer a DA2 add-on with everyone staying quiet since Hawke's voice actor was too busy to contribute...it makes me worried.

4) Continuing Adventures

That BioWare's Search for More Money might impact the immersion factor of DA2. Remember how there was that guy in your camp in DA:O who wanted you to pay him with Microsoft Points? Remember how BioWare sold you King Cailan's funeral, the ending to the Morrigan romance, and a battle you had already fought before (The Darkspawn Chronicles)?

Certainly Mass Effect fans will remember the subplot of the mysterious Shadow Broker that began in ME1, was built upon, continued and had a significant impact on the story in ME2, and was then concluded in a piece of DLC.

I'm worried that BioWare will (as silly as this sounds) create great, involving subplots that will absolutely floor me...and then turn around later and sell me the ending to it.

5) The Death of cRPGs

DA:O was a throwback to classic RPGs, the kind that BioWare got into the business making (Baldur's Gate, Neverwinter Nights) and was even a semi-throwback to KotOR. Guess what? It was a complete success! It outsold Mass Effect! And the natural reaction to this was to...destroy that formula and work off on a little more modern?

I don't understand that. Maybe it's just business. Maybe it sold well, but didn't live up to EA's standards. I don't know, but I will say this: Proper RPGs are becoming a thing of the past. In my mind, Bethesda and Obsidian are the only two companies making TRUE RPGs.

In one generation, we've gone from fine-tuning stats to just equipping a better sword. From hunting down that one piece of armor that will give you that +1 to Constitution that you oh so need, to customizing your character with interchangeable costumes. Mass Effect 1 & 2 are fantastic games in every sense, but they aren't RPGs. So for ME-type elements to start ending up in DA2...if seems like the inspiration is flowing the wrong way.

That's all I'll say on that. I have the game preordered. I'm getting the "OMG Signature Edition" and I will be playing this game all the way through, when I'll be making all the proper judgments. BioWare's asking us to trust them, that this will be a great game. I have no doubt of that, but my greatest worry of all is that they're now saying this to a base that, in their eyes, I'm no longer a part of.

Storytime: Dragon Age: Origins "Ultimate Edition"

I was up late on Black Friday, searching online for anything that might pass for a Christmas gift for friends or family, but wasn't having much luck. It was closing in on 3 AM (don't quote me on that) when I made one more pass at Amazon and discovered this "Ultimate Edition" of Dragon Age: Origins was on sale for $35, normally $59. Immediately, I was like "Hey, that's a pretty good deal! What's in this Ultimate Edition anyway?" It was essentially everything BioWare ever created for DA:O - the main game, the "expansion," and every single piece of DLC with the exception of some weapon that came with the Collector's Edition.

I sat there for a second and remembered that my copy of DA:O was broken and well on its way to not working at all. This was on account of a shoddy case, since you had to really force the disc out of there, and also on account of how much it was used. I had personally put around 60 hours into the game (counting main character, time lost from deaths, and new characters) before I handed it off to a friend of mine, who had some kind of religious experience when he started playing it. He's a BIG fan of RPGs, mostly the classics (Baldur's Gate, Icewind Dale, Neverwinter Nights) and tabletop D&D. I clearly remember him calling me the night after he started playing and he was as excited as I've ever heard him.

Long story short: He put about 200 hours into that game, and nearly beat it with every class by the time I took it back from him. After Awakening I went back to DA:O and discovered a crack forming in the spindle hole of the disc that was working its way outward into the aluminum coating. The disc stopped playing well, so I installed the game on my Xbox hard drive and hoped that would take care of it. Pretty much did, but I questioned how long I could keep it on there.

So, seeing this Ultimate Edition on sale, I figured this would not only be my chance to get a new copy, but an opportunity to play the Dragon Age DLC without giving money to Microsoft through Xbox Live. I did the math in my head (not really) and figured out that buying all of the DLC separately right now would cost exactly $55. Any way I looked at it, I was getting a pretty good deal. Plus I was able to give Awakening to a friend of mine, since I'd have two copies. Win-Win.

All that, and it sort of touched on a sensitive subject for me: that Bethesda is now the only maker of RPGs that are TRUE to the spirit of D&D. Dragon Age II will probably be a ton of fun, but it won't be a proper RPG no matter how your spin it; someone else will do the talking for you, someone else will be naming your character for you, and someone decided you should play a human character no matter what. That's not an RPG, that's a Hawke Simulator, just like the Mass Effect series is a Shepard Simulator. Dragon Age: Origins will likely represent the end of an era, so I wanted to own it entirely. Like I was building some really cool Video Game Ark.

So, I bought it, and it arrived a couple days later in my mailbox. The first thing I did was install all of the DLC, which was probably the biggest downside to this package. When Lionhead put out their Platinum Edition of Fable II, they integrated the DLC into the actual game. Not so with DA:O. They weren't really big files, but there were quite a few of them. My hard drive probably isn't too fond of my by now, after all of the games I've installed/uninstalled. After figuring out how to access everything, I booted up Witch Hunt, eager to see the Morrigan Romance (one of my favorite parts of the game) come to a close.

Playing through it, it really felt like the twilight of my Warden's role in Ferelden. It was cool to be able to import him from Awakening, so it felt like the proper ending that he never got in the "expansion." The more I interacted with people, the more I was able to throw around my title as Grey Warden, the more my excitement grew. When the DLC brought my story to a satisfying close, by not only bringing my Warden back together with Morrigan, but hinting so heavily that my adventures weren't over...I was hooked again. Well, maybe not hooked, I guess. I think the proper word would be "obsessed."

Over the next day, I played through the rest of the DLC. Some of them were really touching in places, heart-breaking in others, and some were so fucking bad I wanted to complain to BioWare. The Darkspawn Chronicles was an interesting concept at first, but the minutes went by and nothing really happened. You just run around and kill guards and the Warden's party members - and there's absolutely no dialogue. I finished it in 45 minutes and just sat there for a few minutes, my mind repeating "That's it?" over into infinity.

Leliana's Song was another that had me glaring at my television for a bit, as if it had been the one that had wronged me. See, I like the idea of playing through some party members' backstories. I think that would actually be a neat idea. But not if BioWare won't take it seriously. They managed to tell Leliana's entire story in one and a half hours and fuck it up somewhere along the way. The French (Orlesian) accents are terrible and faked so badly it made me wince. And the ending pretty much says, "And then she joined the Chantry...because...just because..." It was lame.

Those were the two that had me grumbling, but the rest were actually quite good. But I had to judge their quality on emotional response and writing because, more often than not, most of the environments and creatures were recycled from the main game. It kind of sucked though, getting that storage chest in Warden's Keep, but not having any reason to use it, since I had already beaten the game. So...that's when I started a new file!

I'm having so much fun playing through this again, and now that the DLC is all installed and ready to go, it feels like a more complete experience. As if someone had taken out parts of the game and then gave them back...but no, that can't be right. Huh, BioWare!

Like my friend before me, I think I've had a religious experience with this game. I just can't get it out of my head, I just love everything about it. I'll be adding it to the list of the best games that I've ever played:

1) Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic

2) World of Warcraft

3) Dragon Age: Origins

It's that good. To me, at least. Get that Ultimate Edition if you haven't played the game yet. Or if you HAVE played the game, buy this if you ever see it on sale. This is just a great value and a great package.

P.S. That wasn't my proper review of it. I know, I talk a lot. xD

100 Words - November 2010

This is just a post to boast that I'm done with my second batch of '100 Words' - here's the link.

That's 30 super-short stories or little poems, one for every day of November, each exactly 100 words (at least according to 100words.com's lousy word counter.) This is my second batch, and contains only two poems, no running story and one entry made up purely of YouTube comments, but I am pleased with how it turned out, much more than my October batch.

Sadly Knight didn't join / trounce me this month, but I was joined by my mate Chris - here's his entires.


I am doing December as well, so there'll be another one of these at the new year...

In memory: Irvin Kershner (1923-2010)

Let's hope that we never have to do this again: write obituaries for two of our heroes in one day. It's not something that we take excitement from doing, but it does allow us to reflect on the impact these people have made on our lives. By directing The Empire Strikes Back, and creating one of the best films in history, Irvin Kershner certainly made a noticeable impact.

There was something people saw in Star Wars when it was originally released. Maybe it was the characters, the science fiction/western element, or the familiar Arthurian cycle ever present that made it so easy to connect with this galaxy far, far away, but I think it was made very plain in Empire that it might have been a skillful combination of all three.

We start with the Battle of Hoth, then on to the introduction of the Jedi sage, Yoda, and the betrayal at Cloud City. What we don't see is this marvelous balance of action, character, and drama the likes of which we just don't see much anymore. It's all behind the scenes, keeping you in your seat, making the development oh so seamless that it stops being a movie at some point and becomes an experience. You feel a chill run across your skin when Luke learns the truth about his father, no matter how many times you've seen the movie, and an insane urge to watch Return of the Jedi when the credits begin to roll.

Mister Kershner may not have created Star Wars, but he came to own it, and in doing so created one of the most satisfying sequels since The Godfather: Part II. His eye for detail and his complete willingness to allow his actors to ad-lib (see Han's response to Leia's "I love you") helped made The Empire Strikes Back something more than just a sequel or just a space opera. He allowed us a window into another world.

And he didn't have to use 3D to do it.

Thank you, Mister Kershner, for making me believe.

---

Buch here. I just wanted to add some thoughts and join in this one. Anthony and I have been 'Star Wars' fans for a long time, and I think one of the reasons that there is still such a thing as 'Star Wars fans' is The Empire Strikes Back.

It's the little details in that famous 'revelation' scene that make it so special - the tone of voice, the use and placing of the music, the build-up. It's the way the director got a great performance out of every actor, many of whom were dressed as robots. It's how my favourite character is a Jim Henson puppet with green skin and big ears, and how that character only seems silly, or anything less than magnificent, when you look at him out of context.

I honestly don't know much about Kershner's body of work as a filmmaker, but I really do love his most famous movie. It was a middle act more than a sequel, refusing to let the law of diminishing returns set in just yet - but more than that it was just a perfect adventure film. The amount of care and skill that went into it shines through in every scene - the movie has supreme confidence in itself and just carries you along with it for two hours, making Star Wars into a saga and a hobby, not just three 80's space movies.

So as a fan, I have to say I'm very sad about Irvin Kershner's death and I owe him thanks.


Here's a scene that maybe shows what I meant about Yoda.

In memory: Leslie Nielsen (1926-2010)

"Who are you, and how did you get in here?"

"I'm the locksmith. And... I'm a locksmith."

-

I remember when Peter Graves died, I thought, 'maybe I should do obituarites on the blog' and I thought of Leslie Nielsen, his co-star in one of the best comedy films ever made, 'Airplane!'
I remember suddenly being hit by the mortality of the cast of the movie I had grown up on and studied, and wondering how I'd ever do justice to an actor as funny as Nielsen in an online obit. Very sad memory today.

He was an actor who truly mastered deadpan delivery, like Buster Keaton but sterner and with a sexy voice. He made very fine straight heroes and villains in his other movies, for the record.

Here's one of his best moments.

****

Knight here. Don't mean to hijack Buch's post, but I just wanted to toss in a bit of my own grief.

My first "Nielsen Experience" was during a little movie called The Poseidon Adventure. If you've never seen it, the film has been hailed as one of the greatest disaster films of all time. It's about a cruise ship out in the Atlantic that is struck by a rogue wave and capsizes. Mister Nielsen played the captain of that cruise ship, in one of the most serious roles you'll ever see him play. His reactions completely sold me on the horror of that situation, which is why it's so funny that he would eventually become, to me, one of the greatest comedy actors ever filmed.

Airplane is a masterpiece, in no small part because of Nielsen's contribution to it. As Buch pointed out, his complete deadpan delivery is masterful. The bit where the stewardess asks him if he's a doctor and he responds with a serious "That's right" with a stethoscope in his ears...I still crack up at that.

And he never really lost that ability to make you laugh no matter what role he played, and he was doing what he did best all the way up to his death. His performances made me laugh like no others have, and his good humor made me a fan for life.

So, I just wanted to tell you, "Thank You, Mister Nielsen," we're all counting on you.

Mock Effect 2 is up and online...!

... and I am very impressed.

Regular readers of my blog entries will remember at the beginning of this year, me dilly-dallying about whether or not to write a spoof of Mass Effect 2, considering the bizarre and ego-boosting success of my parody of Mass Effect in 2007/8 - Mock Effect.
I spent ages going back and forth, trying to decide whether or not to do a sequel. I made a huge fuss about it and attracted a lot of attention to myself, which was secretly the whole point of the exercise.

But I was always quite sad that the concept and the characters of John and Jane Shepard died there, with my creativity.

OR DID THEY!

I really should have mentioned this ages ago. Fittingly, John and Jane have been ressurected by the beautiful Australian scientist/marine that is Clint Johnston.

Clint has been writing Mock Effect 2 for months now, and uploading each chapter as he goes. And honestly, it's very very good. If you enjoyed the first one - here is the improved sequel. It's teriffically funny, painstakingly well-observed, and very kindly brings back the Shepard twins exactly as I wrote them. It was a very nice moment when I first started reading this - seeing those characters still going and still just the same.

Because fanfiction.net doesn't allow script-format stories/parodies, Clint has been uploading at Bioware and the Mass Effect Fanfic Forums (the home of Mock Effect 1).

Here's an excerpt :D

---------------------

(The Turian in front of them holds up a finger, and the team waits impatiently as he takes out the last remaining mercenary. He then turns to them and dramatically removes his helmet, revealing GARRUS VAKARIAN)

JOHN: Oh shit. I’m out of here. Hey, guys, you can kill him now. We’re sorry!

JANE: Not so fast now. Maybe he’s not as boring as he used to be.

GARRUS: Guys, I’m right here. I can hear you. How come you aren’t dead?

JANE: We’re not… anymore… I think. I’ll explain it later.

JOHN: No thanks to you, Mr. I’ll-Shoot-My-Rescuers…

GARRUS: You were part of a heavily armed attack force that has spent the better part of the last few days trying to kill me. I was supposed to notice you were different? Thanks for shouting that out by the way, I got in a lot of shots at shocked mercs.

JANE: (dryly) No problem. No offense, but what the hell are you doing here? In Game 1 you at best a mediocre human shield, at worst, you were nearly killing hostages.

GARRUS: Don’t worry, I still do that, but I’ve picked up some new skills. I got tired of C-Sec and all it’s bureaucratic crap…

JOHN: Oh come on, not this again!

GARRUS: So I decided to come out here and lay waste to all the criminal lords in the area. Back at C-Sec, we never had decent sniper rifles.

JOHN: (suddenly paying attention) Actually, that doesn’t sound so bad. Shooting people interests me.

JANE: I don’t imagine that went over well.

GARRUS: Er… no. I’m throwing a major kink in their operations, not to mention the fragile local economy. But killing mercs is hard work. I’ve had to study up on gangland tactics. Would you believe that Eclipse uses cement shoes for disposing of undesirables? It’s all very impractical. Have you any idea how long cement takes to mold?

JANE: (mutters) Probably as long as it will take archaeologists to find our bodies. (aloud) How did you wind up with the name Archangel?

GARRUS: The locals gave it me for… for….(searching for a logical reason) all my good deeds.

(JANE raises an eyebrow)

GARRUS: (sigh) I don’t know. It just sounded badass. “The Punisher” was taken. I tried to call Wrex for some name ideas but he’s been very busy lately. Something about his new writing career.

MIRANDA: Well, if you three are finished with old home week over there, the robots climbing over the wall might need your attention.

JANE: Well it was polite of them to wait until we ran out of topics.

JOHN: Ooh, robots. Can I see?

(GARRUS hands him the Sniper Rifle. JOHN headshots a robot, exploding it in the middle of its compatriots. JANE, MIRANDA, and ZAEED join in, leaving nothing but spare parts lying around.)

GARRUS: I’m just going to take a nap on the couch over here. You guys keep up the good work. (Immediately falls asleep)

JOHN: Jackass. He thinks withstanding a siege for days on end gives him an excuse to nap?

JANE: Well… remember the Alamo! Let’s get ready to fight!

They're eating her! Then they're gonna eat me!

I used to work in a video-shop in Bolton, whose company also owned a very cheap movie studio, and so out catalogue was flooded with a crazy amount of terrible, super-low-budget horror films. So during that time I developed a hobby of watching awful, recent monster movies and laughing at them - and I got to see films like Ice Queen (they used a toy car on a model background in the establishing shots) Haunted Boat (which came out just after 'Ghost Ship' and featured a boat... that turned out not to be haunted at all) and of course - What Ever Happenned to Alice (which I still say is the 'worst movie I've ever seen').

Oh! And they also had one my absolute favourite films, the one that became a big running-joke for us employees - Trees 2: The Root of All Evil, which was about killer Christmas trees that over-run a hillside town. Trees 2 has the best damn ending-credits song I've ever heard in my life. If you ever see that movie in a shop - buy it, at any price.

But I've gotten away from my point here, which is Song of the Dead. I saw a second-hand copy of this at Blockbuster (who normally don't bother with this kind of film, except for The Asylum's boring efforts) with a box reading 'Day of the Zombie'.


It looks boring and generic - but what's that at the bottom of the box? 'The ultimate horror opera'? Yes! It's a zombie musical! And one so bad that the title had to be guiltily changed, just so that it would stand a chance of being sold! That seems pretty stupid to me - who would rather watch a nondescript zombie flick than THE ULTIMATE (or rather, first... I think) zombie musical?! Well, I love musicals, bad films and zombies so I grabbed it.

Here's the trailer - which actually gives a very fair and honest account of the movie's content.

And it was such a pleasure to see another one of these movies - that know they're bad and kind of mock themselves but also are really lovable for trying - and I have nothing better to do, so now I'm going to review it.

--

The movie is very, very low-budget, and very, very poorly-acted (by everyone except Steve Andsager, who is actually very funny). The singing is also truly awful, except by the guy you see at the beginning of the trailer there, but sadly he only appears twice.

The plot is deliberately very similar to George Romero's classic 'Night of the Living Dead' which these film-makers (like me) clearly adore. It begins with a man and a woman in graveyard, moves to a beseiged cabin in the middle of nowhere and ends on a pile of burning bodies. The Romero references are many, and usually painfully obvious.

Speaking of heavy-handedness, I think the biggest flaw here is the large amount of time and effort given over to political satire. Because of the zombie-musical concept, the movie tries to be lighthearted and throw jokes in there. Sometimes they're bad, sometimes they don't even make sense, sometimes they're actually good (the 'hobbies' song made me laugh out loud). But the zombies are referred to as 'zombie terrorists' and the chemical that caused the problem is the 'Jihad Ressurection Virus'.... yeah.
And we're not talking about a few throwaway lines here: this is the major theme of the plot. Believe me, after an hour or so it gets old. It's a nice enough idea to try to parody recent US foreign policy in your movie, make your heroes occasionally look like monsters, follow in Romero's satirical (but much much much subtler) footsteps... but this scriptwriter and this premise are just not capable of effectively satirising that. "We need to bomb any country that had anything to do with terrorism!" What, because your shack is beseiged by zombies...?

The songs themselves are actually catchy as hell! Unfortunately the singers are absolutely horrible, and the bland rock band who play them all are awfully samey. No big book numbers, sadly. All light rock.

It's a bad movie - there's no denying that. There is a tombstone at the beginning that looks like it's made of card and written in marker pen. One of the zombies is topless, and curiously she's always at the very front of the horde, next to the camera...

--

But at the same time this movie really is something special... or at the very least unique.

Every now and again the movie really impressed me with a subtle Romero reference (one character angrily calls another 'flyboy' under his breath) or a clever little spin on a zombie cliche (arms reaching through a wooden wall, waving slowly back and forth during a sad song).

And this is the thing, here. This is why I'd recommend seeing this film. Despite the fact that it's a kind-of-comedy musical, despite the huge limitations it faces, this film really tries hard to add a few things to the zombie lore.
There is a scene near the end when one of the characters who's been bitten gathers the others round him and starts to explain the zombies' motivation. Another character asks a rhetorical question, why do these reanimated corpses want to eat the flesh of the living? Why are they cannibals? And suddenly you think.... wait, that's actually a very good point! Why the hell do they? And the guy says this:

"By feeding on the living, the zombie's mind thinks that... it will live again! Their drive is to live: it's what they remember. But all they have is this unnatural state of death, mixed with awareness. Their minds tell them... that if they feed on the living, then they will live again, and the pain of being dead... will stop. / I can feel it inside me."

And that's a brilliant bit of writing, in this armchair reviewer's opinion. You have to watch two acts of cardboard tombstones to see it - but it's worth it.

Two stars out of five. But that's more than I'd give to most of the zombie films from the last ten years - including Romero's.

Book Review: Old Man's War by John Scalzi

I remember (in the before-time) when I read Ender's Game for the first time. It was everything I had wanted in a book, and it was what got me back into reading as a hobby. Ever since then, I've always recommended it to people. I've given it to my brother as a gift and to my English cohort, Mister Buch. These days, I almost feel bad that I did, not because the book is bad, 'cause it's not, but because Orson Scott Card is...well, I shouldn't say.

What I will say is that I no longer wish to support him or his views, which are so readily available to the world these days.

This was depressing to me, since science fiction is in flux these days. You can't walk down a proper sci-fi/fantasy aisle in a book store without finding:

1) A metric ton of fantasy novels.

2) An entire section dedicated to Star Wars.

3) A small selection dedicated to Robert Heinlein.

4) A slightly larger selection of books from the Honor Harrington series.

It's hard to find good science fiction these days. Really hard. If I wanted to read a modern fantasy book, how many authors are there lined up? Off the top of my head: Salvatore, Weis & Hickman, Rothfuss, Martin, Sanderson, Stover, Donaldson, Brooks, Butcher, Erikson, Weeks. If I do the same thing with science fiction authors I get...ah...Weber? Bear? Most sci-fi authors these days are writing for Star Wars. That's not a bad thing at all, but it sorta makes that aisle a little wanting.

It's a bit telling when I have to choose from a line-up of science fiction works from half a century ago. But I'm glad I don't have to anymore.

I didn't pick up Old Man's War on impulse, I did it out of spite. John Scalzi's name simply popped up everywhere. Amazon would always recommend his books, Borders would always have them sitting out on a table for me to notice, and Stover eventually did an interview on a blog called "Whatever." Whose blog is this, I wonder? Well, it looks like - dammit!

I won't even go into the whole Stargate Universe thing.

So, I bought Old Man's War to quiet the voices. I took it home, got ten pages into it and...well, yeah, I'm finished with it. I couldn't put it down. Just couldn't. Something was just shouting at me the entire way through: I had found my new sci-fi hero.

Hey, we made it to the actual review! Old Man's War is about a seventy-five-year old man named John Perry. He's recently lost his wife and can't quite see how he can get much more out of his life on Earth. So, he signs up to join the mysterious Colonial Defense Forces military on his birthday, not knowing exactly what he's signing up for. What he does know is that he's about to be declared legally dead, and will never be able to return to Earth for as long as he lives.

Tough break. Eventually, he finds himself traveling across the galaxy in a new, younger, battle-ready body to fight a war the likes of which humanity has never experienced. A war where you might be fighting one alien species one week, and a completely different species the next - and that's assuming you even know how to kill them, a possibility that is always up in the air.

John's real battle isn't about the war, really. He's lost his humanity in little ways, and has to discover what it is he's really fighting for. It's a battle worth experiencing.

Mister Scalzi knows how to write damn good sci-fi. He strikes a fine balance between story and science. You won't be reading this book for the brand of hard sci-fi that makes your head asplode; you'll be reading it for the characters first and foremost, then the story, then the science, then the hard science - in that order, and they're all worth following.

What I loved was the romantic view toward the unknowns of the universe. Scalzi can just dazzle you with bits that make you question the scale of the universe and the beauty that surrounds us in the unknown regions of the galaxy. It felt like Scalzi really got what Sagan was trying to say, and attempted to continue it in little ways.

There were only two things that I didn't like. One was the brevity, because it felt like Scalzi only had a certain amount of space to work with, and the ending feels a bit rushed on account of this (regardless of if it's true or not). The other thing was that, you know, I'm no scientist. I've dabbled in astrophysics, but that was a long time ago, and wherever that information is, it's not in my head. Obviously, there's some hard science in this book, and my gripe lies with the way it was presented.

In the real world, scientists can talk about certain concepts without having to explain them, right? Right. But the reader might not know what these scientists are talking about, so the author has to think of a plot device in order to justify these characters explaining the science willy nilly. Enter the dumb guy at the table, who just doesn't know what these scientists are talking about. There is a dumb guy around pretty much every time a science concept is brought up, which then prompts the scientists to lay it all out on the line. This got kind of annoying. Firstly, because it's a cheap plot device. Secondly, because I don't like identifying with the dumb guy!

But these gripes don't make much of a difference either way. This is a fantastic book and one of the best science fiction books I've read in a very, very long time. Authors just can't seem to figure out what the point of sci-fi is these days, but I think Scalzi is very much on the right track.

100 words - October 2010

Knightfall and I finished our first 'batches' of entries at 100Words.com!

It's been a really interesting writing game, which we were both playing along with a bunch of others from the Mass Effect Fanfic forums. I think writing alongside four friends makes it much more enjoyable! Espescially when it's something tricky and fun like this.

If you missed our earlier blog about it, it's a simple but surprisingly hard challenge. Once you sign-up you have to write a 100-word piece (any subject, any style, fiction or non-fiction) every day for a month. If you're too late writing, you're out. If it's not exactly 100, you're out.

So we had a lot of fun! Knight wrote a series of hilarious skits, impressive poems and little prose vignettes that were like something Joss Whedon took out of his new show because they were too good for it. I wrote... mainly about Frankenstein and superheroes.
Regardless, we both full enjoyed it! here's Knight's October batch, and here's mine.

And here are our final entries:

As he began to fall, the elf's life flashed before his eyes; and given the density of his lifespan, that flash seemed like a very long time.

He saw the Kastarn Spire as it glowed bright with energy just beyond the Nightwisp Hills. Then came the Breaking of the Clan, where he received his weapon and the one direction he would follow for three years.

He saw the Edge of the World.

The last thing he saw, before everything got crazy, was a single arrow flying across his periphery. The rope around his neck went taut - then severed.

------

Mister Laurie crept up the stairs, swaying from side to side, eating smarties. Up the spiral staircase of Castle Frankenstein. When he reached Peter's door he peered into the thin strip of black, widening it by half-inches and giggling. In his hand he clutched three Brandon Routh 'Superman Returns' action figures, painted green.

Peter is wearing his Ben 10 pyjamas. This does not make him any less of a genius.

Laurie creeeeeaaks open the door and steps through. The moonlight is weak but the atomic supermen glow in the dark.

'Mah-ster,' she whispers, 'the first batch is finished!'

----

I've decided to have a stab at the November challenge too! that's 30 days instead of 31, so it should be easier. This might be the beginning of a beautiful hobby. Expect another post about it in a month ;)

Game Review(s): Fable III & Fallout: New Vegas

I looked back over the "First Impressions" that I did for these two games, and I realized that I was mainly on point concerning what would end up being bad and good about both. Pretty much: I've said mostly what I wanted to say, but I've spent more time with both game and had a little to add here and there.

Just for the funnies, I'm gonna review these Kotaku-style:

****

Fable III

So, did P.M. do his over-hyping thing again?

Yes, he really did. Not so much that it feels like half the game is gone (i.e. Fable the First), but he promised quite a few things that, while actually in the game, are so ineffective and glitchy that they just don't work even remotely like they're supposed to.

Does this include the "touch expressions"?

It does. The premise, as it was explained by P.M., is that you will be able to hold hands with the ones you love and literally drag people to a less-than-satisfying fate...like slavery. His whole thing was to enable a connection with the world, and just a new way of interacting with it.

Unfortunately, this is impeded by the fact that ALL of the touch expressions are glitchy as hell. Holding hands with someone results in them following behind you, but your hands are never usually touching unless you're standing still. Plus, they forgot to mention that you will be holding hands with someone if you have to lead them anywhere. This means that escort missions involve taking a frightened and grown man by the hand and leading him through the forest. It's as odd as it sounds.

And I played the game for a little over 20 hours, and I was only asked to drag a few prisoners back to the guards. Even then, I didn't start dragging them until I was a few yards away. Until then, I was just walking hand-in-hand with a convicted criminal.

I can deal with that, I guess, but what about the other expressions? Are they still fun to use?

Not really. You don't have a menu from which to pick which expression you want to use and when. And you can no longer perform expressions for a group. You walk up to someone, click the "A" button, and you will transition into a "minigame" of sorts, where you have three expression options. Three, and they're usually always the same three, no matter how you're interacting with people.

That kinda sucks.

It does when you go to haggle over a price and have to do a very complicated dance to make him see things your way.

Okay, but what about all of this "It's A Revolution" business? Does that suck, too?

Actually, no, it doesn't. The expressions are a big flaw with the game, but they're only a small part of it. The story, the characters, the locations: all of them are improved over the last game. The revolution bit is fun and rewarding, and allows you to make more than a few tough decisions once you take back the throne. I will say from experience that every decision you make will have dire consequences. Dire.

I see. So, is this worth buying then?

I think any fan of the FABLE series will enjoy this game. It improves on most of its predecessor's shortcomings, but takes a few steps back in terms of things that didn't need improvement. The game is still absolutely funny, and the world is startlingly beautiful. It's FABLE II with a fresh coat of paint and a few surprises up its sleeve. I recommend it, with the caveat that there are still some bugs that need to be worked out, if bugs absolutely bother you.

****

Fallout: New Vegas

I hate your face.

Go fuck yourself.

So, is this pretty much FALLOUT 3 (2.0)?

If you want to look at it in terms of visuals and gameplay, NEW VEGAS is pretty much the same game that FALLOUT 3 was. But now that we have the actual creators of the FALLOUT series (Obsidian Entertainment) behind this one, the game feels much more entrenched into the lore of the series.

Stop being so cryptic.

Okay, it just really feels like Obsidian knew this property inside and out. There's so much more history in this game, so much more complexity to the way the world has been set up, and everything just makes much more sense. That, and the game actually involves the New California Republic, which made the game hit closer to home in my case. NCR Represent!

But what about the rest of the game? How has that improved?

The improvements are few, but they really make the game something special. There are a bunch of factions that you have the option of appeasing or destroying. You can now aim down the sights of your gun. The writing is better. The voice acting is better. With this game, its the little things that really add up.

I don't want to buy a game for the little things.

Then stop buying HALO.

But seriously, if you're looking for a game that's miles better than its predecessor, you won't necessarily find it here. You're getting more of the same, but this is a very good thing if you liked FALLOUT 3 as much as I did. You'll be getting a more refined world, one with a sense of humor laced throughout, and a few new gameplay quirks that really smooth out the experience. Add to that some very in-depth lore, and you've got a game that is to FALLOUT what OBLIVION was to ELDER SCROLLS.

So, final question: Is this worth the money?

If you were a fan of FALLOUT 3, then I cannot recommend this game enough. This is no expansion; this is a whole new world.

Sin City, baby.

YouTube and Hitler

I had to share this. I've just had the most extraordinary experience on YouTube. You know how YouTube has 'recommended videos for you' based on what you've watched and searched for in the past?

Well, apparently at some point (whilst trying to find British sitcoms online) I watched this clip from 'Bottom'.

Okay, fair enough. Quite funny, obviously I forgot about it. But YouTube didn't forget! YouTube carefully noted that I enjoyed a comedy sketch where a character named Eddie Hitler insults Jehovah's Witnesses and uses the phrase Nazi Germany. It thought carefully about this, and months later, provided me with the best possible video - thoughtfully selected based on my interests and personality...

A moving, musical tribute to Adolf Hitler, posted on his birthday, asking 'Will you remember me?'

....

Now I don't want to post a link, just because the person who uploaded it smugly states 'I just want youtube hits' and I've already given it three. But - it's a series of clips of Hitler's 'finest' moments, intercut with poor, poor Sarah McLachlan's 'I Will Remember You'.

Gee. Thanks.... YouTube.......... that's just what I wanted......

I guess this is some kind of dumb joke, but every single one of the 'Suggestions' videos on the right were along the same lines, only not joking so much.

It was the user comments that stopped me laughing at the ridiculousness of what I was looking at.
Some were mock-supportive of Hitler, some were genuinely sad about his being no longer with us, some were Neo-Nazis yelling slogans in bad German, and some were just people, offering horribly misinformed opinions either for or against. All of them were unbelievably depressing. Here are some from the first two pages!

'What genocide?'

'Hitler killed between 15 and 17 million people. Christianity has killed 21+ Million.'

'So answer me this, why are Jewish people so bad. I know a lot of Jewish people and they never hinted wanting to do something as evil nor does their historic or region also say.,\'

And...

'that was clever'

First Impressions: Fable III

The Fable series has had a rough go of things over the years. Thanks to numerous instances of over-hyping the games, the insanely high expectations people have going into it, and the fact that although Lionhead Studios deliver a good product every time, they're not game-changing, and I think for that anything carrying the Fable brand will have undue stigma upon it.

Now, I absolutely LOVED Fable II. I cannot begin to describe how much I loved that game (though, a while ago, I tried), it was just the perfect blend of the fantastical, British humor (humour), and a level of customization that really let you feel like you were a part of the world. Fable III had A LOT to live up to in my mind. Still does. I think I'm roughly about six hours into this newest story. So far, I'm getting those same warm feelings I got while playing F-II. But Lionhead have also made a few changes to the formula: some of them welcome, some of them rather frustrating.

One of the major changes is the story. It's so totally simple, you don't even have to think about it. Which, I think, is a good thing. A reviewer on Joystiq asked, "How many of you can actually remember the story of Fable II?" and at first, I was like, "Shit, I can remember that in like three seconds ago. Let's see, you had the sister getting shot by that one dude, then you, ah..."

Damn. Doesn't matter, I played more for the real estate, exploration, and sidequests, anyhow.

In Fable III, you play as "The Prince" or "The Princess," one of two children of the Old Hero King (or Queen, depending on who you played in F-II). The other child is your brother, Logan, who is now the King of Albion. He is King amidst Albion's industrial revolution, and he is perfectly a-okay with allowing child labor, political assassinations, and standing by while the lower class crumbles into absolute poverty.

Yeah, I guess you could say he's...*sunglasses*...a royal dick.

So, after King Logan handles a certain situation with just the right amount of plot-catalyzing evil, which is actually really messed up, the Prince(ss) must embark on a journey to start a revolution against the throne. This is where I'm still roaming around as I type this.

Thus far into the game, I'm really pleased with what I've seen. The environments are just as beautiful and absorbing as they were in Fable II, if not BETTER in some cases (Brightwall Village, for instance, is amazing), and Lionhead has taken things a step further by designing little cultural differences between each town. Mountain dwellers will mostly wear heavy fur clothing, and people down in Bowerstone will mostly wear fancy garments, depending on which part of the city you're in. I liked that.

The writing is better, the humor is more prevalent, and the voice actors are very top-notch. Bernard Hill (King Theodin from Lord of the Rings and Captain Smith from Titanic) is fantastic as your teacher/companion, Sir Walter. You'll also run into Simon Pegg (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz) and Sir Ben Kingsley, who also gives a great and very, very funny performance as a ruler of a village of mountain dwellers.

And let's not forget John Cleese, who plays the part of the royal butler, Jasper. He is a part of a new feature of the game which I adore: when you press the start button, you are instantly transported to a sanctuary where you can save the game, look at your various outfits, weapons, trophies, and gold stockpile. It is amazing to me how seamless this feature is. You'd think you'd have to fight some sort of loading screen, but there is almost no transition at all when you press that button.

Now, onto the things I'm taking issue with: the bugs, there are a lot of them. Surprisingly, they're a lot more noticeable than some of those I discovered in Fallout: New Vegas. Your dog will bark about a dig spot, you follow it, and suddenly it decides to forget where it was going. That golden breadcrumb trail that leads you from quest to quest will sometimes disappear and not return, or will appear as just a few sparkles that you try to keep track of. You will hear vendors talking as if they're standing right next to you, but they'll actually be across the town somewhere.

And there is lag at times (mostly during cutscenes). I'm not sure what causes it. The minigames (jobs) will stutter as you play them, making it very difficult to keep that multiplier going.

All of that is manageable. I could live with those bugs, because they don't, by any means, make the game unplayable. But the one thing that I'm just not liking are the expressions. In Fable II, you had a radial menu where you could choose what you wanted to do, and then do it. You could play a lute out in public and people would gather around to listen to you play, or dance, or fart, whatever you felt like doing at the time. This time around, there is no menu. There are no expressions you can perform for a group at large; you will have to interact with each person individually, which is made all the more worse by the fact that there is a slight transition/loading screen each time you want to interact with someone.

And if that wasn't bad enough, you can't actually select what you want to do with people. You are literally given two or options - good, bad and neutral interactions - and you have to choose between them. Then, after you've performed one, the options will refresh and two or three new options will appear. I'm hating this, mostly because I don't like not being able to actually choose what I want to do. It all makes interacting with people an actual inconvenience, which is a sharp contrast to a feature I adored in F-II.

Anyway, I'm dealing with it, and I can always hope for a patch in the future, can't I.

Meh.

That's the game so far. Gripes aside, this is a marvelous game. At this point, I wouldn't dare hesitate to say that if you liked Fable II, you'll like Fable III. It's got everything that made the last game great, a few new/welcome surprises, and only the slightest of road bumps...so far.