Mock Effect 2 is up... again!

Remember when I recently announced Clint Johnston's 'Mock Effect 2', the sequel to my bizarrely-popular fan-parody of Mass Effect from a couple of years ago? I'm about to do almost the exact same thing again!

See - there is now ANOTHER Mock Effect 2. This one is written by James Mackenzie (under the screen name Jraym16.)

A few months ago, when I gave up my own aspirations of writing a 'Mock Effect 2', both James and Clint contacted me and asked for my blessing to do the second one and keep 'John and Jane' Shepard alive. Cleverly, I said yes to both of them. In my defence, both of them showed me very, very funny sample chapters.

James has actually been working on his version for as long as his rival, but as of this week he has started posting his work. And - it's still very funny.

So - here is the link to Mock Effect 2: The Other One!

It will be very interesting to see how the two authors handle the premise and characters they've both been writing simultaneously! So far both are amusing me a great deal.


--

And here is a sample from the prologue:

(Below decks, Lt Kaidan Alenko runs through the hallway in a miss-sized white and shocking pink armor. He struggles to get his helmet on which seemingly resembles some kind of death mask. Nearby him, several crewman die in more bizarre electrical discharges, making extremely canned scream sound effects in the process. He finally finds Commander Jane Shepard standing by the escape pods adjusting her own helmet with a new tinted visor.)

Kaidan: Shepard!

Jane: I wish people would use my first name more often. Oh well, I guess it’s better than ma’am. Anyway, the distress beacon is ready for launch. Not sure what good it’ll do but hey. Wait a minute, is that Williams’ armor you’re wearing?

Kaidan: Uh well, I um…er

Jane: You know what, I don’t want to know. But, what’s with the death mask.

Kaidan: Well, Williams’ has been into this emo thing recently…

Jane: So it is Williams’ armor.

Kaidan: OK. I swear this isn’t how it looks.

Jane: Explain later, we’ve got bigger problems.

Kaidan: Will the Alliance get here in time?

Jane: What, with several hours before Admiral BISHOPFROMALIENS gets this signal, a multi hour trip, and a ship raining a death laser beam down on us? Of course they won’t be here!

Kaidan: Oh.

(Kaidan starts spraying the nearby fires with a fire extinguisher. There is a post-it note on it saying “Do not remove from cockpit. –Joker”)

Jane: Get everyone on the escape shuttles.

Kaidan: Joker’s still in the cockpit. He won’t abandon the ship. I’m not leaving either.

Jane: Have you noticed the ship is disintegrating around us?! And why did no one pick up Joker on the way down?! He can’t even walk!

Kaidan: Well, I was trying to find the escape pods. I don’t remember seeing them anywhere on the ship before. There’s no directions or anything.

Jane: Alliance regs specify that escape pods be hidden away behind secret passages, like this one behind the sleep coffins of death.

(Another crewman runs by and is hit by an explosion.)

Jane: The regs also specify that power be transferred through exposed and explosive conduits. Just like back on the Endar Spire right? Oh sorry, I’ve been working on that.

Kaidan: It’s OK Shepard, you’re trying.

Jane: Alright, I gotta go get Joker. Get everyone to the escape pods Kaidan, now.

(She starts to walk away)

Kaidan: Hey Shepard! (She looks around) Thanks for getting my name right.

Jane: (smiles under her helmet) See you down on the planet.

Kaidan: You got it.

Dragon Age! The Musical

I remember seeing Eric Idle's musical Spamalot, based on Monty Python and the Holy Grail earlier this year. I had a good time, but I couldn't help thinking, Gosh! This is fun and all, but if only it were more like my own masterpiece MOCK EFFECT BY MISTER BUCH, the parody that took the world by storm.

Well! I don't know why he hasn't posted anything about it, but Knight has been writing a script parody of the beloved Dragon Age: Origins.

I love script parodies, and this is a very fine one so far. It's about time Knight wrote one!
Sadly fanfiction.net doesn't accept anything in script form because it's beneath their high quality standards (however they do accept porn stories about Pokemon).
But we can at least advertise it here, for what that's worth ;)

Here it is - Dragon Age! The Musical

And here's a bit of it:


[You, That Guy, and That Other Guy sit down while Alistair moves to stand next to the altar.]

DUNCAN: As part of the Joining, Alistair will recite the words that have preceded this ritual every time since the beginning. Alistair, if you would.

[Alistair clears his throat and lowers his head.]

ALISTAIR [solemnly]: Na Na...Na Na Na Na...Hey Hey Hey...Goodbye...

DUNCAN: And so we proceed. You, That Guy, please step forward.

[Duncan holds out a chalice filled with lyrium-enriched darkspawn blood.]

THAT GUY: You...want me to drink that?

DUNCAN: It is the blood of the darkspawn that gives a Grey Warden their power. It allows you to sense the taint, giving you the ability to sense the darkspawn themselves. It's completely safe.

THAT GUY: Really? It's safe?

DUNCAN: Oh my, no. Down the hatch.

ALISTAIR: Drinking the blood gives us the only tool capable of impeding the darkspawn advances.

THAT GUY: I don't see how. How does being able to sense an army numbered in the thousands give you any sort of advantage? That's like being able to sense when it's going to rain.

ALISTAIR: Well, you don't have to, I guess. We thought you were a cool guy, but I guess we were wrong.

DUNCAN: Indeed. He did seem like a cool guy when I invited him to join, but that does not appear to be the case. He's lame.

THAT GUY: That's not true! I'm totally cool! Watch!

[That Guy drinks the entire chalice and slams it back on the altar. His smile is wide for a moment, until he begins to feel the effects. He crumples to the ground.]

THAT GUY: Damn you...peer pressure. You've done me in again...

[He dies.]

WARDEN: Wowsers.

THAT OTHER GUY: No! No, no, no!

[That Other Guy withdraws.]

THAT OTHER GUY: No, I won't do this! You never said anything about this!

ALISTAIR: That's too bad. We thought you were a cool guy.

DUNCAN: I, too, thought he was cool, but he appears to be nothing but an anti-Fonz.

THAT OTHER GUY: No, I won't give in to your peer pressure so easily.

[Just then, Duncan sprints from the altar, descends on That Other Guy, and drives his blade through the man's gut. As the life begins to drain from That Other Guy's eyes, he spots a cherry blossom tree on the other side of the platform. A breeze whips through its leaves, sending pink pedals into the air.]

THAT OTHER GUY: ...Perfect...[He slumps.] They are all...perfect...

[He dies. Duncan wipes his fingerprints off the blade and places it in That Other Guy's hand.]

DUNCAN: It was suicide. You all saw it, right? [He glares at you.] Right?

WARDEN: If I can get through this Joining without dying, then I didn't see a thing.

DUNCAN: That's what I like to hear.

Mock Effect 2 is up and online...!

... and I am very impressed.

Regular readers of my blog entries will remember at the beginning of this year, me dilly-dallying about whether or not to write a spoof of Mass Effect 2, considering the bizarre and ego-boosting success of my parody of Mass Effect in 2007/8 - Mock Effect.
I spent ages going back and forth, trying to decide whether or not to do a sequel. I made a huge fuss about it and attracted a lot of attention to myself, which was secretly the whole point of the exercise.

But I was always quite sad that the concept and the characters of John and Jane Shepard died there, with my creativity.

OR DID THEY!

I really should have mentioned this ages ago. Fittingly, John and Jane have been ressurected by the beautiful Australian scientist/marine that is Clint Johnston.

Clint has been writing Mock Effect 2 for months now, and uploading each chapter as he goes. And honestly, it's very very good. If you enjoyed the first one - here is the improved sequel. It's teriffically funny, painstakingly well-observed, and very kindly brings back the Shepard twins exactly as I wrote them. It was a very nice moment when I first started reading this - seeing those characters still going and still just the same.

Because fanfiction.net doesn't allow script-format stories/parodies, Clint has been uploading at Bioware and the Mass Effect Fanfic Forums (the home of Mock Effect 1).

Here's an excerpt :D

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(The Turian in front of them holds up a finger, and the team waits impatiently as he takes out the last remaining mercenary. He then turns to them and dramatically removes his helmet, revealing GARRUS VAKARIAN)

JOHN: Oh shit. I’m out of here. Hey, guys, you can kill him now. We’re sorry!

JANE: Not so fast now. Maybe he’s not as boring as he used to be.

GARRUS: Guys, I’m right here. I can hear you. How come you aren’t dead?

JANE: We’re not… anymore… I think. I’ll explain it later.

JOHN: No thanks to you, Mr. I’ll-Shoot-My-Rescuers…

GARRUS: You were part of a heavily armed attack force that has spent the better part of the last few days trying to kill me. I was supposed to notice you were different? Thanks for shouting that out by the way, I got in a lot of shots at shocked mercs.

JANE: (dryly) No problem. No offense, but what the hell are you doing here? In Game 1 you at best a mediocre human shield, at worst, you were nearly killing hostages.

GARRUS: Don’t worry, I still do that, but I’ve picked up some new skills. I got tired of C-Sec and all it’s bureaucratic crap…

JOHN: Oh come on, not this again!

GARRUS: So I decided to come out here and lay waste to all the criminal lords in the area. Back at C-Sec, we never had decent sniper rifles.

JOHN: (suddenly paying attention) Actually, that doesn’t sound so bad. Shooting people interests me.

JANE: I don’t imagine that went over well.

GARRUS: Er… no. I’m throwing a major kink in their operations, not to mention the fragile local economy. But killing mercs is hard work. I’ve had to study up on gangland tactics. Would you believe that Eclipse uses cement shoes for disposing of undesirables? It’s all very impractical. Have you any idea how long cement takes to mold?

JANE: (mutters) Probably as long as it will take archaeologists to find our bodies. (aloud) How did you wind up with the name Archangel?

GARRUS: The locals gave it me for… for….(searching for a logical reason) all my good deeds.

(JANE raises an eyebrow)

GARRUS: (sigh) I don’t know. It just sounded badass. “The Punisher” was taken. I tried to call Wrex for some name ideas but he’s been very busy lately. Something about his new writing career.

MIRANDA: Well, if you three are finished with old home week over there, the robots climbing over the wall might need your attention.

JANE: Well it was polite of them to wait until we ran out of topics.

JOHN: Ooh, robots. Can I see?

(GARRUS hands him the Sniper Rifle. JOHN headshots a robot, exploding it in the middle of its compatriots. JANE, MIRANDA, and ZAEED join in, leaving nothing but spare parts lying around.)

GARRUS: I’m just going to take a nap on the couch over here. You guys keep up the good work. (Immediately falls asleep)

JOHN: Jackass. He thinks withstanding a siege for days on end gives him an excuse to nap?

JANE: Well… remember the Alamo! Let’s get ready to fight!

New Fanfiction: The Price of Salvation

Just as a quick note, Mister Buch and I have put together a short Dragon Age fanfic that parodies the DLC system integrated into the game. BioWare thought they were being clever, I bet, but it resulted in one of the grandest frustrations ever in a game. IN EVER!

Okay, I'm exaggerating. It was more along the lines of bitter annoyance. In any case, here's the link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5895431/1/The_Price_of_Salvation

Enjoy! Let us know what you think!