Indie Games 3: positive edition

First off - a warning to Canadian actor Ryan Reynolds. After spending about half an hour writing about his performance in the Green Lantern movie, I got my PC infected with malware while looking for pictures of the smug, character-ruining bastard. And I had to reset the PC to factory settings, and re-install everything and lose a lot of files. All because of Ryan Reynolds's performance in Green Lantern.

Look here now, Reynolds: I know you read my blog. I'm going to get you back for this. I'm going to get to the gym and work out, and gel my hair, and appear in some rubbish teen movie, and then bit by bit I'm going to destroy you like you've been destroying me for all these years. And one day, when you hear that I've landed the role of Hal Jordan in a film and simultaneously married your dream-girl... I will break your damn computer, right before you go to work at 2AM. And then we'll be even.

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Now. I wanted to write about Xbox Live Arcade Indie Games again. I really love these. If you're not aware of them, they're in this odd little hard-to-reach corner of the 'Xbox Live Arcade', where you can download small (usually either retro or interestingly pioneering) games for about a pound each -- and absolutely every one has a free demo, so you know what you're getting. They're made by amateur game designers and members of the public, and there are LOTS of them now, all just thrown in there like some strange lucky dip of amateur games. A lot of them are appalling, some of them are very close to being good but are simply broken.... and a handful are absolutely superb.

Going into the Indie Game page and downloading games based on their titles and descriptions feels wonderfully like exploring. Or better, it's like going into the game shop when you were a kid, before the internet and free reviews were available - the days when you looked at the title and the few screen-shots on the back of the box, and thought, 'Okay I'll try that!' Sometimes you discovered The Legend of Zelda and sometimes you wasted your money on Hydlide. It's just like that. Except they have free demos.

In my previous two Indie Game round-ups this time last year I mentioned a lot of bad ones and tried to be funny, like I do. In the ensuing 12 months, I've played lots and lots and lots of very bad Indie games... and a handful of really good ones. For a change I'm going to be positive and just stick to recommending the gems. So I'll start with a recent hit...


THE AVATAR LEGENDS

As a rule, I recommend staying the hell away from Indie Games with 'Avatar' in the title - Avatar Fighter, Avatar Warriors, Avatar Zombie Massager Extreme (no really)... all terrible, mostly broken. But The Avatar Legends by Barker's Crest Studios is something special. It's a silly, tongue-in-cheek single player 3D Zelda-esque RPG... but with your Xbox profile avatar as the hero. It seems like a cheap gimmick, but it's just a wonderful feeling to see a little cartoon version of you, perfectly animated, running up a volcano fighting monsters with a sword and spells, off to save the world in his little Mass Effect t-shirt and glasses.

One of several themed worlds, like snow, beach, swamp, mountain and farm - but all of them are fun to explore and full of charming little old-fashioned NPCs.

The combat is repetitive and extremely simple, and the story is basic but sweet, so don't expect some kind of modern epic here... but.
The game is really special. It's adorable. The level-up and dialogue systems are great, the game world is much bigger than you might expect, the characters are funny, interesting, well-written and occasionally quite moving. Seriously, I was moved several times, by little avatar people with big heads telling me to fight skeletons for them. I spent a week on this. I kept going back to my profile to change my little Buch avatar's clothes, so that he was wearing a jacket in the snow world, for example. Just to make it that bit more fun.
This game is very popular at the moment and is getting high scores with critics and on Xbox Live itself. It's cheap and cheerful, but the designers have put a LOT of effort and love into it, and it shows. There is even a complex tool-set where you can make your own quests and worlds. The Avatar Legends. Excellent work.

Four an a half silly Star Trek jokes out of five.

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Okay I'll try to make the rest of the reviews a bit shorter... getting the length right on a blog is hard, man. Next up is...


ABAN HAWKINS AND THE 1000 SPIKES

And this is one of the easy levels.

Here is an NES-style 2D platformer that is very hard and uses a (deliberately) obvious Indiana Jones rip-off as its player character. It is, however, a truly excellent example of the genre, and has a cute sense of humour about itself. I firmly believe that if this had been actually been released on the NES, it would have been one of the console's biggest hits. It's a damn shame that nowadays Xbox live Arcade is the best exposure a game like this can get.
Aban Hawkins and the 1000 Spikes by 8Bits Fanatics is aptly-named, as almost every block puts you at risk of spikes, arrows, bottomless pits, fireballs or scorpions, all of which will kill you in one hit. It's one of those games where the extreme difficulty is the whole point, and the designers have luckily balanced the frustration and fun of that challenge very well. Every level (and there are just enough) is excruciating, but the first time you die - probably via some hidden spike that appears if you stay on the first block for more than a second, is always very funny. The sheer cheekiness and inventiveness with which the game whittles away your 1000+ lives (so you have no excuse not to keep going) is just so charming that it's hard to hate even the nastiest traps. The end boss has a particularly sadistic move he pulls, after it's dead, which just... I nearly cried.
From the mis-spelled gibberish instructions to the music, every bit of this is designed to perfectly replicate and simultaneously send-up the hardest NES games you remember, like Ghouls and Ghosts or Contra. Very funny, very addictive, and also - the control system is innovative and brilliantly balanced.

Five 'YOU ARE DEAD!' screens out of five.


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TECHNO KITTEN ADVENTURE!

You know that simple game with the helicopter where you just have one button and the screen scrolls left to right while you go up or down to avoid obstaces? This game is that, but your character is a flying cat ('kitteh') of some description and while you're trying to dodge the walls, the game tries to throw you off-balance by hurling harmless but distracting images of pterodactyls, angels, UFOs, pirate ships, hearts, eyes, hands, strobe lighting, butterflies and even the giant flashing high score reminder right in your face, from all angles, all choreographed to bubblegum danceclub music. I know that sounds like the worst game you can imagine, but I rather suspect that's the idea. I hate lolcats and I hate dance music. But...

Only the white stars can hurt you - the dragons, music, 'meows' and endless light effects are just there to piss you off.

The details are just fantastically cute. They have three levels and three records, and they're synched together very carefully. The singer will sing 'I will reach up high like a rainbooow...' and the game will have a hand reach up from the bottom of the screen and vanish, then use obstacles to force you to go high, as a rainbow shoots across the screen in an effort to blind you. Then the song will speed up and flashing lights will blast all over the screen in tune with the bass. (It is genuinely not playable if you have epilepsy - they don't give you this warning but seriously, take heed.)
A lot of Indie games try and grab you with silly titles, but this is one of the few that actually delivers what it rashly promises - intense, carefully-plotted stupidity to make you chuckle guiltily. Well done, 21st Street Games. I downloaded this one because I thought it would be something to sarcastially mock. I've played it every day since.

Three and a half little hands pointing at the top of the background for 'Have you ever touched the blue, blue skaaayyy?' out of five.

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This is getting far too long. I'll wrap it up.

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JOHNNY PLATFORM SAVES XMAS!

Another one where the amusing title won my interest (this has evolved into maybe Indie Games' primary marketing technique), this second Johnny Platform game is far, far better than the first thanks to some clever, fluid controls and gimmicks, and a long series of impressive puzzles, ranging from easy to damned hard. The time trials and improved wall-jump mode give it serious longevity too. Well worth a go. Five hot Xmas puddings out of five.

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NINJA BROS.

Yes, yes, another attention-grab title. I am the target demographic of insulting sales ploys. But as it happens, Ninja Bros. is a brilliant, tense little timing-based puzzle-platformer. What makes this one special is that you control between two and four ninjas at once - they move down, left and right simultaneously on seperate screens but each have their own jump button. So you're forced to multi-task, essentially playing two, three or four levels at the same time. Very tricky, well worth the effort. Four pseudo-Japanese translations out of five.

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PLATFORMANCE: CASTLE PAIN

I wanted to end this round-up with yet another difficult retro 2D jumping game (I like them). In the same vein as Aban Hawkins, Platformance aims to test your patience to its limits. It has one level, but that level is large, cleverly designed to fill a screen, and will kill you with everything that moves in it, at least once each.

You're in the bottom left, the damsel is in the top right. It's just one level, sadly, but what a level.

Here there are endless lives and very generous checkpoints... but the aim of this one is to survive with as few lives lost as possible. Finish with under 30 deaths (no easy feat at first) and the Princess you save will ask you to try harder next time. Die less than 5 times and she's mildly impressed. But if, by Herculean effort and the training and dedication of a chess master, you finish the level without dying once... then you're the King of the god-damned world, man. The Princess asks you to marry her and you're like, 'whatevs'. There are three difficulty levels, and the hardest is just ridiculous. This game is very small and has slightly wonky controls, but it's very enjoyable, has great music and is beautifully drawn. The difficulty levels even translate to slight differences in the game's appearance, such as bronze, silver and gold picture frames.

Will you manage to finish it in a good time, let alone with less than five lives lost? Well, maybe...

Will you finish the game in Hardcore mode without losing a single life, and in only 4 minutes 46 seconds at that? Unlikely, chum, because it took me about a month of practice! But by GOD, I did it. Today. Just in time for the sequel - 'Temple Death' - to be released.

DO YOU SEE THAT, REYNOLDS? FOUR MINUTES FORTY-SIX SECONDS WITH NO DEATHS! HOW'S THAT FOR AN ACHIEVEMENT? SCARED OF ME NOW?!?

Four out of five.

Indie Games (part 1)

Sometimes here at 'Disingenuous Assertions' Headquarters I run out of things to write about. Originally the site was conceived for me and Knightfall1138 to talk about and post fanfiction, but lately, I've gone off fanfic, had writer's block, and had very little time for writing altogether. Since then Knight focuses on interesting book talk, nerd news and up-to-the-minute game reviews written better than anything on Gamespot. Meanwhile I've been specialising in being drunk and reviewing things everyone else read ten years ago.

Today I can't think of anything better to do than review a lot of the 'Indie' games available on Xbox Live. I finally got my Xbox 360 hooked up to the internet the other day, and the first thing I did was see what I could download to celebrate. After I grabbed the new Mass Effect 2 expansion and a remade 'Earthworm Jim' (why remake it? what was wrong with the original version?!) I had a few pounds left. Then for the first time I noticed the Indie Games section. These are small, usually short, and simple games produced by 'the community' and not in any way quality-tested or approved by Microsoft. It's like an open forum - ordinary people just make small games and and put them up there for 80 gamerpoints (about one US dollar) each - I love that idea!

I've always enjoyed inding small, free/cheap games online and trying them out. And there are some great examples, Like 'Braid', 'N' and recently 'Super Mario Crossover', which have become big deals because honestly, they're better than anything similar that the profesionals are making these days.

So... I downloaded 25 of them mostly at random (I only paid for about half, the rest are demo versions) and thought, 'Maybe I can justify this colossal waste of time and money by blogging about it.'
So, in no particular, order let's play...

1) A Game of Tennis
Blurb: "Classic tennis, updated with modern features! Single player, Local and Online Multiplayer modes, plus online Scoreboards bring this favorite into the 21st Century!"
Initial reaction: Hey does that mean Pong? That's great! I love Pong! I hope it's close to the original versions and not all fancy like that stupid Space Invaders Remix crap.

The game: Yeah! It's a very solid, very old-fashioned game of Pong, on a home console that has joysticks on its controllers. Perfect! Also the ability to play online is a nice feature. This is exactly what you want - or what I want - from Xbox Live. Pong. Every videogame fan should have some kind of Pong game at her disposal, and this costs one pound. There's nothing to complain about except the title and the pretty easy difficulty on single-player mode. Well, it seemed easy to me, but I am a Pong God, so.


2) The MANLY Game for MANLY Men
Blurb: "In the pursuit of true MANLINESS, hurl your Avatar down four scenic locations around the world while collecting ACME MAN BLAST. Are you manly enough to become the MANLIEST of MEN?!"
Initial reaction: You're DAMN RIGHT I'm MANLY enough!! How manly do you have to be to become the manliest anyway - slightly less manly than the existing manliest? Perhaps I will find the ANSWERS when I DOWNLOAD this MANLY game!!!

The game: This one was not good. I think the designers put all their creative input into the funny 'Manly' thing and the very funny intro sequence, and forgot to add a game at the end. It is 3D, which is unusual among the games I downloaded. Your avatar simply falls slowly down a (not terribly scenic) mountainside while you attempt to steer him toward bottles of aftershave, which you're trying to collect. Eventually he runs out of momentum and stops. You can use a 'boost' once to send him back into the air and get some more speed. But honestly, you won't want to. This marks the first of many Indie games I downloaded because I thought the title was funny. This strategy actually led me to two very good games later on... but also...

3) Baby Maker Extreme
Blurb: "Are you extreme enough for Baby Maker Extreme? Experience the most extreme embryonic event enhanced by your electronic entertainment equipment. Simulate the miracle of life in a way only video games can. Download Baby Maker Extreme and prepare to be blown away."
Initial reaction: What?

The game: In this 2D skill game, you launch a newborn baby from a faceless woman's womb, then proceed to see how far across the hospital you can make that flight go, by trying to bounce the infant off the corners of objects and people. Just like 'Manly Men' you also have a boost for renewed speed.
The first choice is 'Baby Mode' (the ball is a baby) and 'Avatar Mode' (a 3D cartoon of me in the foetal position). I picked Avatar Mode for slightly fewer night-terrors. After that there is a little rhythm game to simulate heavy breathing, and.... God, this is awful.


4) Rock Paper Scissors Xtreme!
Blurb: "There is only one way to definitively end a conflict: Rock Paper Scissors. In Rock Paper Scissors Xtreme: Challenge of the Fists you can battle your enemies and friends in local match, over Xbox Live or, if you are without friends, fight a computer opponent."
Initial reaction: Rock, paper, scissors? Bloody hell. Okay let's see how Xtreme it is.

The game: Well you can't complain when the game is just Rock, Paper, Scissors. It's okay. One of the hands that comes up has a leather glove on, which is pretty Xtreme where I come from. There are funky music and backgrounds... little voice clips. It made me smile. It also boasts three mini-games if you pay the money... 'Mystical Fortune Teller', 'Controller Race' and 'Controller Massage'. Controller... what in the?..... click, click, click.....
'Mystic Fortune Teller' is a Magic 8 Ball. All right, next game...
'Controller Race' makes your controllers vibrate for a few seconds. I think that's actually so bad it's good!
And 'Controller Massage' makes the controller vibrate until you stop it. The idea is that you put in on your neck or feet, and the instructions creeped me out by telling me not to use it inappropriately. Ewwwwww! I hadn't even thought of that till you said it, game!!
I paid a pound for rock, paper, scissors.

5) Advanced Rock Paper Scissors
Blurb: "Advanced Rock Paper Scissors with a twist."
Initial reaction: Succinct and to the point, I see. Good for you. You're taking this rock, paper, scissors thing seriously. Maybe this time we won't be pissing around with Magic 8 Balls and vibrating controllers. Let's do this.


Reaction after I started up the game: Whuh..... what in the... is this Pazaak?! Noooooooo!
The game: Well, 'advanced' is right. You look at that pciture and see if you can tell me what the hell is going on. Basically the three hand positions are here replaced by fire, earth and water (I forget which beats which) and both players are dealt cards with the elements, and score numbers, on them. If you win a hand, you win the scores on the cards... and what the hell does this have to do with rock, paper, scissors?!

6) A Perfect Massage
Blurb: "Relax enjoying different automatic massage sessions using your pad vibrations. Or make your own massage session with the manual mode. Take control of all other pads if you wish! The best XBOX massager ever!"
Initial reaction: Quite a boast, game! Espescially considering that there are absolutely loads of these massage games available on the (pretty big) Indie Games list. One of them (which I ended up not downloading) said you could program another player's massage, which made it 'perfect for long distance relationships'. I thought that was the most adorable thing I'd ever read... but then I remembered the creepy warning on 'Rock Paper Scissors Xtreme' and the moment was ruined.The game: You can make your own massage programme or pick one of four. That's actually pretty impressive! I went with Swedish, and put the controller on my lower back and started typing...
I have an Xbox controller vibrating against my back. What on Earth happenned to my life.

7) BlindGiRL
Blurb: "BlindGiRL is lost in a world of darkness and confusion. Can you help her overcome her fears, and find the path to understanding?"
Initial reaction: Blind Girl? It's called 'Blind Girl?'

The game: Well, you're a blind girl, trying to find your way out of a maze. Huh. Blindness is represented by the walls being only visible when you're near them, as if you're feeling your way around. Every level is unique and there are lots of gadgets which make her seem less blind, but keep the game fresh. There seems to be a rhyming storyline, reminiscent of the one in 'Wik: Fable of Souls'. There's an interesting musical motif here too and a genuinely unsettling atmosphere. And I have to say, it's profesionally-made and original. But... it's a maze in the dark. Even though I would like to see what that story turns into in the game proper, I got bored.

8) Molly the Were-Zompire
Blurb: "Finding a magical portal to another world? Cool! Being killed soon upon arrival? Not cool. Turning into a Were-Zompire (Werewolf + Zombie + Vampire) and gaining amazing power? Very cool! Embarking on an interactive story with many different paths and endings? Totally awesome!"
Initial Reaction: Whoah, what's this about zombies? Cool! And - is this a text game? I can have a text game game on Xbox 360? This is what's really, truly excellent about these modern Internet-linked games consoles. Variety and nostalgia.


The game: IS AWESOME. It's pretty much what you'd expect - press A to do this, press X to say that, press Y to run away - but it's a very, very good example of a comedy choose-your-own-adventure story. It's long, and every option feels fully fleshed out and packed with fresh, geeky, tongue-in-cheek, sweet humour. There are even brilliant stick-illustrations every now and again, just to make sure you don't treat the adventure with any degree of seriousness. I keep running across funny passages I might want to put in here, but I couldn't pick one. Also, despite the very simple gameplay, it really doesn't feel amateurish or rushed in the way many of these Indie games seem to. This is a small but shiny gem, with a pleasant piano soundtrack and everything.

Download this! It's excellent.

Wonderful. That made me feel like this whole experience was worthwhile. Now let's find some other great, well-written, original concepts.


9) ULTRA-POWERED MASSAGER!
Blurb: "This is the most powerful massage app on the Xbox 360. No vibration app has stronger vibraions than those featured here. Get ready for a truly brain-numbing experience. Can YOU handle the intensity?!"
Apology: I know, I know. But look at the blurb! Brain-numbing! Honestly, to get my interest, all you need to do is put things in capital letters and ask a direct, challenging question. All right, let's see if this numbs my brain.


The game: It made my controller vibrate heavily (no fancy Swedish rhythms or anything) and there were a couple of simple mini games. One of them was actually kinda fun, and the other was just 'how many times can you press the A button in ten seconds?'
All of this is set to a repeating, 5-second loop of generic heavy metal, which is just what you want to hear while you're getting a massage!


10) GET TO THA CHOPPA!!1
Blurb: "Zombie apocalypse has come!!1 Can you survive zombie hordes, mines and heat-seeking missles to safely get to tha choppa in this twisted and addictive reaction game? Global high scores will put your skill to the ultimate test!"
Initial reaction: Heh heh. Tha Choppa. Heh heh heh. Two other words that never fail to win my attention are 'ultimate' and 'zombie'. If you include them in a question to me you will get an instant yes ('Chris, will you do me the honour of being the ULTIMATE husband and defeating my invincible loneliness? DARE YOU accept the challenge of building a long-lasting and zombie-proof family unit???')

The game: This is one of the ones I was expecting to hate, but actually ended up really liking. I can't find a picture, which is annoying because it looks good (in that 'deliberately bad' kindof way, like 'Alien Homonid') and it's hard to explain. It's a test of reaction time. You're a guy running forever to the right. To your left is the zombie horde and to your right are tha choppa and three types randomly spawning obstacles - zombies (shoot them by tapping X) mines (jump over them with A) and missiles (duck with the joystick). So they come at you on a conveyor belt, and you just see how long you can last as the obstacles come thicker and faster. I guess eventually you get to tha choppa, but I haven;t managed it! It sounds dull, but the fluid controls, silly visuals and perfect pace make it a lot of fun. And the music is inexplicably enjoyable as well.
This one charms you in a way you don't expect! I really like it. The only flaw is that when I'm connected to Xbox Live, it gets juddery and laggy. At a high speed, that'll kill you instantly! So disconnect first.


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And that's that! If this makes me smile in the morning, or it goes down well, I'll do a second part and play the rest of the 'Indie Games' I downloaded!

In the meantime - I urge you to check some of these games out. Amongst the rubbish and the games that didn't quite work, there are some fantastic ones.

Now that I'm on Xbox Live, my nickname there is 'Mister Buch' same as everywhere. Add me if you fancy A Game of Tennis, but not if you want a massage!

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EDIT: As of now, I'm ranked 196th in the WORLD at Get To The Choppa!! That's another thing I really like about these games - they make you care about scores again. Remember the last time you bothered to look at how many 'points' you had? Well I have slightly more points than yooo408 but not as many points as x UK DogTagZz x.

EDIT EDIT (One year later): Looking back on this article, I'm genuinely astonished at how naiive I was last year. I now realise what the massage games are supposed to be used for. How in the hell did I not realise that...

Oh Reginald... (Dragon Age and the 'KotOR feeling')

Aside from work, I've done precisely two things over the last three days: read Knightfall's blog posts and obsessively play Bioware's 2009 D&D-style RPG, Dragon Age: Origins.

And I'm absolutely loving the game, quite a bit more than I did the first time I played it. At that time I played through in a grumbling hurry, confused by the lore and plot, being punished horribly by the steep difficulty, and almost losing it after the largely-dodgy endgame (luckily the very end bits are great.) Then Mass Effect 2 came out, and I forgot all about DA:O (It looks like the initials and then a shocked emoticon) until the extremely meh expansion pack was released, and I read the surprisingly great prequel novel.

This past two weeks, I've been playing DA:O again, and this time... I've just been completely absorbed in it. It's been constantly on my mind. I play long into the night, and I wake before my alarm clock, so I can get juuust one more conversation in with Shale, or kill juuuust enough darkspawn to level up, so as I can wear that heavy chainmail that's a slightly lighter colour than the one I'm wearing now. I think because I now understand the plot better, and I'm revelling in how flexible it is - the dialogue options, the plot decisions, the inventory. My character feels like my character, whereas Commander Shepard feels like Bioware's.

This is what I call the 'KotOR feeling'! And it's More than a Feeling. It's... a way of life, or something. What I mean is, this is exactly what I want from a role-playing videogame. I want it to be like Star Wars, Knights of the Old Republic, the game which brought me back into games, made me into a Star Wars fan, thrilled me for a year and even influenced my writing. It brought me into fanfiction, and thus into renewed writing. I know Knightfall has a similar story. He and I truly revere KotOR, and with good reason. The plot was incredible, the voice acting was a cut above (at the time). This is what I would call a true role-playing experience. You felt like you were that Jedi apprentice. For the week and a half it took to play through, the Ebon Hawk was your home, Jolee Bindo was your mentor, Mission Vao was your respnsibility and Lord Malak was most displeased to learn you had escaped Taris alive. Through its tight, excellent and immersive story, it sucked you in and forced you to abandon every other part of your life until you were done.

I remember the first time I beat that game... It was my first RPG unless you count Zelda. At the first I had no idea what I was supposed to do or why clicking people initiated lengthy, casual conversations about seemingly trivial things. After a couple of days I was hooked, and a week later I was astounded. I remember excitedly telling my brother about this amazing new game: 'I just finished it - I saved the Republic, fell in love with my Jedi teacher, resisted the dark side, conVERTed the girl from the dark side, and even convinced the Sith Lord that I was right and he was wrong - right before killing him with my YELLOW lightsaber! And holy crap... there's this twist... you've got to play this!!' And what's great is that all those things I mentioned are optional. None of those are set as part of the plot. I chose to persue those goals, and when they came together into a perfect Star Wars story, it blew me away. Oh, and the 'evil' decisions I made a few weeks later were also incredible.

At the very end, when the classic John Williams theme music kicked in and the credits rolled over the story's climax (and a teasing hint at a sequel) I was so excited I pumped my fist into the air like a fool. I couldn't help it! I beleive it's called the 'Manly Arm Pump' expression, but it didn't look so manly then. The game occupied me for the best part of a year: I had KotOR weeks and non KotOR weeks. I dreamed I was playing the game, I read fanfiction and heard the game's plot in every song on the radio. And every time I got to the end, I involuntarily did the arm pump, reviewing the choices I'd made, the character I felt I'd co-created and the ending s/he had created. It was like being in love! But with a videogame about Jedi Knights. I know this blog doesn't exactly make me sound mature.

When I reached the end of KotOR 2 (the somewhat disappointing, rushed sequel by Obsidian Entertainment) I did not do the arm pump. I did it for Jade Empire several times, and Mass Effect once or twice, but that game wasn't so immersive. I loved Jade Empire, KotOR 2, Mass Effect, Dragon Age: Origins and Mass Effect 2 (and also Bethesda's The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion), but never became so obsessed as the first time.

I also loved Fable 2, when I played it through twice more than a year ago. Like Knightfall, I was amused but not thrilled by the first Fable. But number 2 was a triumph. It's a fun, action-RPG set in Dickensian England, with guns, goblins who wear top hats, Julia Swahala, Zoe Wannamaker, Shepard Book and Stephen Fry... those Scottish gargoyles... a cockney hero... and in general, a great deal of loving passion and a magnificent sense of humour. I don't really care for the silent hero, the button-mashing and the halo that forms around my 'good' character's head, and the plot is generally very shallow and silly (but much better than you'd expect). But that's deliberate, and that's fine. It's an excellent game, and a perfect example of what a sequel should be: it's like Fable 1, but with all it's major faults removed apologetically (and even joked about in-game), and great, new innovative features added.

And now... I come to the point of this post. Knightfall said something in his Fable 2 review on Friday, which chilled my blood.

"That's the sin that BioWare keeps committing, but shouldn't. Sure, they rectified this in Mass Effect 2, FINALLY giving you the ability to keep playing after the main storyline is done, but there's nothing to that galaxy. There's nothing to do outside of the quests. I can't get a job, because I'm already the effing savior of the universe. I can't own a house, because I got captain's quarters and, you know, your life is your job. That's the one thing that I'd take to BioWare on a flag or something: if we're gonna save the galaxy, give us a reason to save it besides blue women."

Whoooooah there, Billy.

Bioware, if you're reading, ignore him. Good, solid endings are not a sin. The tangible, beautifully-acted love of a blue woman is a better reason to save the galaxy than ownership of a house in which there is a nameless woman who says 'Welcome home, darling' when you walk in.

What I'm trying to say here (and what this article was supposed to be about) is: I HATE carrying on the game after the end. I really like endings - I think they're the best part of almsot any story - the bit where everything ties together, and everything is resolved. The author's points are driven home, the characters demonstrate how they've changed, the world is changed for good. So why would you want it to... carry on for a bit after that? It's like The Return of the King! It should have ended long before they returned to the Shire and drove-out Sharkey!

I like my Bioware RPGs (as opposed to Lionhead or Obsidian) because they have solid, well-crafted stories. The endings (although lately they are suffering... ME2...) are powerful and contain complete 'closure'. In the last moment, I always think about (and very occasionally do) the Manly Arm Pump - because I know the epic story is finally over and I'm looking back. In the run up to the end - when I have my final conversations with the party-members or take one last stroll around the places I've been - there is a wonderful bittersweet feeling. 'This character will never talk to Kaidan again' ... 'That's the last time I'll fight alongside Canderous; I wonder what he'll do now the war is over' ... 'I'll spend all my remaining money on the special armour now, and equip Duncan's swords for the final battle.'

I don't like it when the story ends... but you don't. Rather than ending on a bang, the character ends with a whimper. He ends when you get bored of side-quests. I hate seeing the world AFTER the cataclysmic events of the ending... and seeing it's just the same.

That said, I played Fable 2 for a while after its end. Not having my dog was indeed heartbreaking. God damn, I love that dog. Bravo, Lionhead. And it was nice to wander about, aquiring and collecting things for fun. But I wish this could all have happenned as part of the story proper.

And as for Mass Effect 2... you win, you fly around... nothing happens... you fly around more. You go to some place and fight some mechs, you get credits. You go back. No-one talks to you.

Story-based games should end when the story ends. Bioware made me pump my arm into the air every time I beat KotOR and Jade Empire! It was a rush.

Dragon Age is giving me something very close to the KotOR feeling as I play it now. I've been playing for 54 hours, which is a record. It's an excellent game, (if one with a complex plot and too much backstory required.)
I just played through this one scene where one of the characters (my elven PC's love interest at that) randomly sings a goddamn beautiful ancient elven song - just before the endgame kicks in - and the camera shows us reactions from the hero and the other members of my party. The song reflects the quest we just finished, and some of the greater themes of the plot. And it tied itself into my own backstory and character seamlessly. Above and beyond the call of duty, Bioware. More songs please.
I've shaped my character and her story arcs, making my Grey Warden and Alistair mirror Loghain and King Maric in their pasts and relationships with each other and their party. I've grown immensely fond of talking to my followers and getting their pasts out of them, earning their favour and loyalty through carefully chosen questions and gifts. I'm going to be genuinely sad when I find out which one of the two lead heroes will die this time, and imagining what happens to the other one.

Leave that feeling in. I like endings.

Just Cause 2: Demo Impressions

I make it a habit of regularly checking the newest available demos on my Xbox 360. More often than not, it equates to me killing an hour with a game that I'll probably never end up buying. The last demo that I played that actually made me want to buy the game was for Battlefield: Bad Company 2. Now, THAT demo was amazing. If they hadn't shut the servers down for it, I'd probably still be playing it. (Which brings to mind the amazing "Wake Island" demo from Battlefield 1942 that I also played way too much. I actually bought the game that time, but WoW was that demo ever amazing.)

So today, I start up my 360 with the intention of playing KotOR for the first time in many a year, but since the emulation for it is terrible to the point of frustration, I opt to check out the demos. Up pops Just Cause 2, which I had heard great things about; specifically from Kotaku.

I had never played the first game. Why? Just cause...(pause for effect). Moving on...

The demo starts out with a brief...introduction? I don't know. The voice acting is terrible. Everyone sorta purrs at each other, and speak as though the last word of each sentence they speak is going to be a double entendre.

"Oh, so you like to play games, miss? I, too, like to play...GAMES..."

They honestly talked like that the entire time. If you think that quote sounded corny, then I was spot on.

Thankfully, that really doesn't last very long at all. Immediately after, you're sent to cause some Chaos...literally. You have a "Chaos Meter" on your screen that actually does the impossible, and scientifically measures Chaos, which seems to be directly proportional to the awesomeness of what you've done. For instance, stealing a motorcycle is only a little awesome, so you only get like 20 Chaos points for such an act. But get a little destructive and bring down a gas station, then the game will recognize the additional awesomeness output and grant you more points accordingly.

So, from what I can gather, the basic premise of the game is to just be awesome. Various missions are thrown at you from this militant group called "The Reapers," and you are sent in to just blow shit up in any way you can think of.

Now, for as cool as this sounds, I know what you're thinking: "Blowing shit up in various fashions is neat and all, but that stuff gets a little boring after awhile." That's where the hookshot comes in. This little mechanic brings so much depth to the game, it's amazing. It comes to be integral in getting you around this massive sandbox world you inhabit, and becomes your most devastating method of offense.

With one press of a button, the hookshot can pull you rapidly from one place to another. Think about the hookshot from The Legend of Zelda, and that's pretty much how it works. But it can also do so much more. If a guy is riding past you on a motorcycle, you can rip him off of it and take it for yourself. If a firefight gets too intense, hook on to a passing car to get out of there. Use it to close the gap between you and your assailants by going Scorpion on their asses in true "GET OVER HEEERRRE!!!" fashion. You can also use it to give yourself enough momentum to deploy your parachute, which allows you to float around for a decent amount of time.

But using it for combat is where it gets interesting. You are also given a "double hook" feature, which allows you to attach two things together. By far, the greatest thing I've accomplished in this demo has been to attach one of my attackers to a passing taxi, who was not inclined to slow down. My attacker was ripped off his feet and dragged down the dusty road before he disappeared out of sight. I received a "Drag Kill" for it a while later, which actually made me feel bad for the guy since it was by no means quick.

This little hookshot makes combat and traveling very fun. I was only given a thirty minute time limit and a small section of the open world to mess around with, but judging by what I've seen, this map is HUGE! I stole a helicopter, flew it all the way to the ceiling of the map, which took a long time, and subsequently jumped out and began free-falling. I fell for almost two minutes before I hit the ground (didn't deploy my parachute, which resulted in a painful-looking impact). That just amazed me. Unless I missed my guess, this game looks enormous.

So, yeah, thirty minute time limit and I played it through twice so far. Even with them sticking me in the most deserted place in the map, I still feel that there's a lot to do. It pretty much takes that "havoc-encouraging" feel of GTA and sets you loose on an island paradise somewhere in Southeast Asia. There's still that chance that, after a few hours of playtime, the mechanics might become boring (i.e. Prototype) but with such a beautiful looking world, plenty of gadgets, and all sorts of things to destroy, this game could have what it takes to make more of a splash than its predecessor ever did.